New Year with a bang!!

I must tell my wonderful followers and facebook friends and family, how overwhelmed I am by all your kind words of encouragment and care.  I know alot of people say all this social networking is silly or a waste of time..but I tell ya...it is my comfort and yes my social outlet.  It is a comfort to me to beable to actually see comments and know that people genuinely do care. It makes me not as lonely...there is always someone on line!!!

I had my port placed yesterday...I was told it would be a peice of cake..much easier than the lumpectomy.  Who said this?  Evidently they had never had either done.  I have  this triangular thing about as big as a 50 cent peice implanted right under the skin in my upper chest..it reminds of  the Alien movie where its about to pop out of someones stomach!!!   The surgery team must of mistaken me for a barbie doll (of course they did with that sexy hair/head cover I had to wear)...I think they forgot my arm and shoulder were not made out of plastic ...they tried to stretch and bend and pull it in all directions.  It is so sore!!

So it looks like 2011 was a pretty darn good year for me.  I would like to go back to a comment of God's timing for a minute.  God did not answer my prayer or prayers of others for me not to have the big"C"..( I am trying to think of something else to call it besides cancer)  any suggestions on a pet name?   Anyway...it could not of happened at a better time for several reasons....one being the doctor that I work for was out on maternity leave the month of December,  my car just got paid off a few months earlier, Glenn just finished his masters degree 2 weeks ago and I decided to take out a cancer policy  earlier..just in case. 

So you see..our Heavenly Father does look out for his children.  Even if I had to have this disease, He has made it a little easier to deal with, for this I am truely thankful.

The New Year is coming with many bumps.  I am looking at all this as a major detour in my life with lots of potholes and bumps along the way.  I know that in the end it will smooth out and my life will be back on the main road.  I have faith in this.  God has let me down yet.

Happy New Year everyone!!!!  Love Mel.

we already had Christmas?

So I understand that Christmas has come and gone....I kind of remember eating, cooking, opening gifts, seeing family members opening theirs..oh yea...I do remember opening my Easy feet..foot washer and oh and my Forever Lazy one peice lounge wear.  Thank you family for these fine gifts.  I have already worn my Forever Lazy, and I can't wait to try out my Easy Feet, especailly this Spring when I am barefoot out side and my feet get all stained..that will be perfect!!!

My son was at home for Christmas, he had originally planned on staying in Cullowhee and working.  I am so glad he came home.  He had a surprise for me.  He  already has a couple of tattoos that he designed..he is my artist.  So he and my daughter come in and say.."Mom  Derek has something to show you"  I am scared..what is it  I wonder".  He pulls up his sleeve and bam  a new tattoo. (He knows how I feel about them...it isn't a totally bad thing...I am getting more used to the idea).  My first words were " what did you do"..my thought was..where did you get the money?  I looked more closely and burst out into tears..my son had designed a beautiful bird with a pink ribbon body and tail..it was for  me!  We hugged and cried and I was overcome with feelings of sadness and admiration for what he had done for his Mom.

I feel like I am running out of time this week...I start my first chemo treatment next Thursday.  Is this normal to feel this way..I mean I am not on a countdown for my life..but I mean  I got Christmas stuff to take down, vacuuming and getting this house in order before that day.  I do not like to be cluttered.

All this cancer stuff is always on my mind.. I try to act normal around family and friends, but it is always in the back of my mind.  I can say for sure that I am really scared.  I can't always be brave for everyone else's sake.  I pray daily for my self, and for my family members that will be near me during this time.  I know it will be hard on them as well.  God's timing is always right. We may not think so but it is.  He has prepared me for this struggle and my husband.  I thank God daily for my husband.  Without him I could not do this.  He is amazing....he got me a Ninja Kitchen System for Christmas!!!!  What is he thinking?    Ok  I'm going to go experiment with it.  Have a great day everyone!  Love, Mel

The hoops and hurdles have began

My surgeon said I would go thru many hoops and hurdles..but there will be a finish!!!  Ok so let's just get it started.  I had a lumpectomy with sentinel nodes  two days later.  What? All these new terms I need to start learning.     Surgery was a peice of cake.no problems with recovery..."Honey..I can't cook, I can't get me a glass of water...can you please?"  Thank you.  Glenn has been the best. 

My daughter had a pretty big kidney stone that kept me occupied the following week...that kept me busy being with and helping her.  I didn't have time to think about myself.  I finally told my parents about my new diagnosis....that was one of the hardest things I had to do.  Now everyone kn

I had my first appointment with the oncologist..."I am not supposes to be a patient signing in here...I always send patients here....not me!!!"   This was a little upsetting...for now it is all becoming  more of a reality.   The next words..chemo....strong chemo...for 6 months?  "Have you lost your mind?" I was thinking.  Ok so anything  that increases my survival rate and this cancer never coming back...yes  I will lose my hair and be sick for 6 months....but I will live!!!  I have a wedding to plan and go to!

Today...I bought new hair!!   My son, daughter and sister and I went to the wig store.  At first when I walked in I wanted to throw up.  Then, with some comic releif from family members,  it got to be fun.  Wow you mean I can just pick one out, put it on in the mornings, fluff it and go?  Heck yeah!  I can save  so much money on hair products, and can you imagine the time you can save each morning..spraying fluffing, curling etc...I can probably sleep in an extra 30 minutes each morning.  I had to buy a hat to leave out of the store...my real hair was plastered to my scalp!!!

I know I would not of made it this far with a semi good atitude, without trusting in my Great Physician. God is seeing me and my family thru this journey.   Sometimes I want to lock myself in my room and scream and ask why me Lord.  I don't ask this.  I know it can happen to anyone at anytime, but He has my hand and he will lead me  thru this.  

I gotta a bad boob!

"Breathe"  the surgeon looked at me and said in an all too calming voice.  Ok..so I took a deep ragged breath like that was going to make everything he was telling me seem not so bad.  Are you kidding..he just told me I had breast cancer.  So I do have a bad boob just like I had expected...so my journey begins.

I am not sure how I am supposed to handle this...do I cry alot..do I laugh about it and try to be brave like I have seen so many other women do.  Do I just try to ignore it and maybe I will just wake up and my life will be in a normal state once again.  Hummm...good thing I got a cancer policy from Afleck this past summer....Quak Quak!!!!  I'm  gonna use it...Ha maybe a lot of Christmas goodies this year..Sweet!!!

I have never blogged before now.  I am thinking this may be a good way for me to ger thru this long tunnel of uncertainties and fright.  I have always wanted to write a book a bout something...maybe this is my chance...well maybe not a book but just have a blog...a blog...what the heck?  Afew years ago that word did not exist.  So now I am a blogger.  A bad boob blogger!