here we go again

Today I am feeling very anxious.  I go to the Cancer Center and start on a brand new regimen of chemo treatments.  I have all finished with the first three months of  the worst.   Thank you Lord that it really wasn' that bad for me!!  The next three months, I will be going once a week for the new drugs.  The doctor tells me it has different side effects.  I should not be as nauseated is the main one.  But it does cause alot of peripheral neuropthy which means numbness, tingling pain in my hands, legs and feet.  Great!!!!  It has potential side effects  such as allergic reactions during transfusion.  Oh boy..I can hardly wait.

Hopefully it will go as well as the first three months.  I think it is the unknown that I am more afraid of.  Plus knowing how crappy I have felt for about 1/12 weeks after my previous treatments and I don't want to feel that way all the time with these treatments being so frequent.

Oh well  I will just do what it takes.  God will see me through.  He has never let me down.

It has been a hard week.  My son Derek lost a good friend in a single car accident Sunday afternoon.  I just wanted to drive the 4 hours and go to him and his friends and help them through this.  He can't talk about it to me yet..so he has texted me a bout a little.  He said he needed to come home so he is coming this weekend for a few days.  I just feel so sad for him and their group of friends.  He helped clean out her apartment this week and is just having a real hard time.  Please keep him and the Deese family in your prayers during this tragic time.  It kinda makes me mad I can't just drive to see him for a few days cause I gotta go get treated!!!  It is an inconvenience, this (chuck)!!!

Then my Dad is having a heart catherization done Friday morning and I can't be with him and my family.  So I am having a little whining session this morning.  I will get over it...I have to remember to just stop and look around at all my blessings I have right in front of me an when I do that I am so thankful and blessed.  Of course Glenn sees me like this and he hands me a tissue and says all the right things and makes it all better.

So it's almost time to go....I pray it will go well.  Thank you all for being with me.

LOves and hugs..Melanie

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Marvelous Monday

Good Monday morning all!!!  What a beautiful morning!!!  I'm being a little lazy today.  I usually get up and have coffee with Glenn before he goes to work, but today I didn't, my bed felt too good!!!   I am still in bed....but awake, having coffee, watching a little FNC.  I wondered, what I am going to do today.  I got no place to be or anywhere to go today.  Kinda nice!!

I had a very good weekend.  Glenn took me out to eat at Something Different Saturday night.  If you've never been there and like Greek food..I highly recommend it.  I went to church yesterday and that was great.  It was so good to be back to worship with my church family and feel the love of them.

Then later we went to Mt Gilead, back home, for some of Momma's good cooking with the family.  It was really good to be back with my family.  I think that was the first time I didn't get up and help clean up and wash dishes!!  I just sat there and talked.  Did I play the "sick" card?  I didn't really mean to.  Oh well I am sure there will be plenty of other times to make up for it.  I love being with my family.

So I'm thinking about what I need to accomplish today...I just take one day at a time. My sunroom is coming along..They worked yesterday and got the windows put in.  It should be almost finished this week.  Pictures coming!!  I think one day I will go to Greensboro and buy me some Spring/ Summer headgear.  I have plenty of winter hats to wear but I need some warm weather fashions.  I really do get tired of wearing my furry friend wigs.  I like my hats..they are so comfy.  I need at least one with a chin strap so when I am at the beach or outside in the wind it won't go flying off my head!!

Last week a good friend treated me with a motorcycle ride.  Now keep in mind I have not been on a motorcycle in probably 20 years.  I was a little nervous.  What do I wear on my head? Do I wear a wig?  A hat? a scarf?  I don't know???  So I put my jeans, tennis shoes a long sleeve shirt and a bandanna doo rag thing on..ok I looked motorcyclish!!!

I heard him coming down the road...boy that thing is loud.  Ok I get my helmet on..all is well so far.  I get on..ok...I hold on.  We get going down the road pretty  pretty and good and my head is just bobbing all around..good grief..is my neck muscles this weak that I can't hold my head up right?  The wind is just in my helmet and I can't take this.  I almost signaled to my driver to stop and take me home then all of a sudden  SNAP!!!  my face shield came crashing down!!!! Oh that was much better!!!!!  Why didn't someone tell me it was supposed to be down.  No more head bobbing!!!   I had a great ride.  Thank you Greg for a great outing!!

Ok  I have a new treatment on Thursday..so that means I need to get a lot done before then.  I don't know how it is going to make me feel so I try to get ready best I can in case I feel bad.  Hopefully it will not be any worse than the previous treatments.  So this will start new treatments every week for three months.  That sounds like a long time... I think of it as half way there.  Still going on the tracks and going strong...we are getting closer to the end!!!  This is just another detour along the way.  My little engine that could is still going strong and pulling me along!!

Have a great week and God Bless you all.

Loves and hugs...Melanie

just trust

Yay!!!! It's finally Friday.....you know the song.   I do love Fridays too.  It has been an uneventful week.  This both good and not so good.  Everything with me has been good. I have been feeling good, finally got some good energy back and I have been doing a little yard work.

The bad part is..no workers on our new room this week.  They told me it would be a few days before they could get back..I am getting so impatient!!!  I feel like I can't do anything in the house until its done.   I guess I still need to try...the pollen is really building up!!!

So today I find myself wondering where or what my role in  this cancer (chuck) thing is going.  It has been almost 3 1/2 months since those life changing words were said to me.  Really!!  It has been that long?  Many things have changed since then.  I took a leave from work, my family has become closer, once again through tragedy, nothing is the same!!

Sure we all go about our daily lives as usual...but the fear of what I am going through is not far for us all.  The constant reminder for me is when I look in the mirror.  So now I know I have no hair...the fury friends are fast becoming my best friends.  I am getting more used to them....just pull on and go!!!
I am finding that it is taking more time to put my make up on now.   My eyebrows are getting very thin so I am trying to learn to use an eyebrow pencil and pencil some on!  Not too bad.   I have hardly any eye lashes..so forget the mascara.  I am using twice as much eye liner now.  When ya do it just right..it doesn't look half bad!

The other night I went to a dinner and beef butchering demo..yes that's what I said.  A girl sitting behind me said to me.."  I love your hair...it is such a cute hair style"   I just smiled and said thank you.  She had no idea!

Through this all  I am overjoyed almost daily by the good people out there who continue to show love and concern for me.  The past two Sundays Glenn has brought home meals prepared by friends from church that are cooked and prepared meals for us to stick in the freezer or have fresh for all week.  WOW!!!  Thank you.  Almost everyday I go to the mailbox and have at least 1-2 cards.  I get cards from church, friends, family and occasionally from people I have never met!  Yes!!  I know where the connection is though.   How nice this is.. When I read these  I am always very touched and feel so blessed.  I even have gotten a couple cards from patients I  know at work.

To me this is all so special......these people are taking a few minutes of their time to let me know they are thinking of me!  This is huge.  I cannot say how much joy and love this brings me.

All these leads to me to wonder.."what is my role in all this"?  I feel like I should be doing something back.   I want to send everyone a thank-you card that sends me a card... I know usually some people undergoing somethings such as I am,  find something from it and use it and change something or make something happen...I just haven't figured out what that something is for me.  Maybe it is nothing.  Maybe it is just me blogging and trying to be inspirational for others and for myself...just to get thru this.  I don't know.   I do know my life is being molded and changed by God's hands somehow thru all of you.

So the first three months of chemo are done.  Next Thursday starts my new treatment of going for treatments once a week for another 3 months.  I pray that the new treatments  treat me as good as the last once did.  I am a little worried..I don't know what to expect yet.  I know God and my friends and family will get me through this too. 

Again God's timing is perfect.  I get to be home and enjoy Spring springing which really perks me up.  I am so thankful for this.  I am so thankful my workplace is working with me and I am able to be home during all this time.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

Loves and hugs...Mel


Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.” (~ KJV Ad

all in a days work

The weekend of over and it's Monday.   I know I feel about it differently now that I am not going into work.  Those of you who do have to job to go to..I know Monday's are rough...the weekend was great...it's time to go back to the old grind.  WE all live for the weekend.  This is the time to relax , have fun and be with people you like.  Even though I am home everyday...I still look forward to the weekend.    I get lonely at home everyday.   I look forward to Glenn being at home, family coming over or us going somewhere to be with them.  It's just different on the weekend.

Saturday, KT and I did one of our favorite things..went junkin. For those of you who are not familiar . .with this term..it simply means..going to somebody's junkyard, or store or barn and finding treasures!! Let me tell you how this is done.  You have to have the right gear.   For Saturday it was KT in her Hunter boots, had her shorts on cause it was fairly warm,  a pair of work gloves, a tape measure and bottle of water.

We went to Cline's Antiques in Mt. Pleasant.  Mr Cline is a crusty of soul with a long beard and no negotiation skills.  There are at least 4 acres of stuff scattered through out the place.  There are trailers full of old chairs and tables, barns full of cribs, dressors tables. chairs, dressers...I mean stacks of everything from long  ago.   You have to be brave and you have to know what you are looking for to do this.  As I walked by one stack of dressers, something hissed at me.  I move on quickly. 

I did't find what I was looking for.  I did find an old wheelbarrow with the metal front wheel, but when I ask old Mr Cline how much he just said, not for sale we use it somettime.   Really!!  Katie found some old galvenized buckets to use as planters.  So it was a good day.

My new room is coming a long nicely.  The pictures I have posted on here were all taken in one day.  This is what they did all in a days work!!

Have a great week.  LOves and hugs.  Mel

its my day!!!!

Well today is my birthday!!!!  What a marvelous day!!!!  I got up feeling real good this morning.  I had my coffee and actually really enjoyed for the first time in about a week.  I had lots of things to do today.   Did I mention it was my birthday?  Oh yes..I did..how silly of me.

Well I am 49 years young.  Does this age worry me?  Absolutely not!!!   I have always felt pretty good.  Another year older is a blessing not a  wearisome thing.   I look around me at my family and all the blessings I have and I am the happiest I have felt in while.   People lose their lives at young ages.   I thank the good Lord everyday for my life and the kind of life that I have.

As a kid you think 30 is old.  When you get thirty you still think you are young, but then sadly you look in the mirror and wonder in horror who is that person staring back?  Right now in my life I am wondering the same.; not because of my age but I feel like someone took the real me and took her away for while and I am missing in action.  I read just recently that someone described it as waiting to see themselves on the milk carton for missing people.  I t is real hard to explain.  It is not only the physical appearance that is changed or missing ....it is just part of who I am.   I feel like I am just waiting around for something to happen.  I don't know what I am waiting on.   Somedays I still don't know what I am supposed to feel like, so I just plan on feeling a certain way and see if it matters.

So today I plan on feeling wonderful and looking wonderful..it is my birthday ya know.   First thing this morning I went to the beauty shop for a wig trim.   I am still unsatisfied with my furry friend hair so that I decided to try to have them trimmed to a little more of my liking.   I had my dark one...trimmed pretty short.  I love it!!!  I had my blond trimmed shorter so that it is more like me....I need to be fun and playful!!   I Love them both  better now.   One day I can be blond, one day brunette..one day bald..hahaha!!!

I got back home and the guys are here working on my sun room!!!!!  They got a wall up and part of the roof gone!!!  WOW they work fast.   I am sitting outside under the tree watching.  It fascinates me to see how things are built.   We have a great group of Hispanic guys.  They are very hard workers and very professional.

Tonight I wanted pizza with the fam and brownies with hot fudge and ice cream.   What a spectacular birthday I am having today.... OMG..I heard a crash...the neighbors are having trees cut down!!!!  Lots of excitement here today!!!!  I am so excited I could burst!!!!!!!!

Loves and hugs...Mel

Little bored

I am realizing that I am bored and boring.  After the last two treatments I just have felt crappy for a few days afterwards.  What do I expect?  I have to be reminded of what's going on every so often.  I am tired, I don't want much to eat.  I have to take my nausea pills every four hours.  I keep my large cup of Raspberry Lemonade Crystal light on hand.  I have my blankie and little 18 yr old Midget with me.  This is my posse for the last several months.  Abby just kinda does her own thing and sits beside me on the floor most of the time.

I had to pity party last night. First one in a while.  It's just hard to explain.  I don't feel sick all the time..I just feel ....crappy...that is the only word I know to describe.  I feel like being up, I can do little chores in the house then I need a nap.   I think I need to eat so I do and feel a little better... I gotta feed the beast.    Speaking of that..we had wonderful meals provided for us this weekend by neighbors and church family.   What nice things to do for us.  I have always had a a little trouble with taking help.  I try to always be the one to do the helping.  So now I am learning that it is ok to be on the receiving end.  I think people need to be needed.  Thank you all very much.

I am getting very impatient.  It is getting to be Spring and I am normally up and doing everything I can. Inside the house and outside.  No energy right now, but I know in a couple days that will get better.  Glenn reminds we got nowhere to be or go..It's ok  this is only temporary. 

I am getting so tired of sitting in the house.  I love FOX and Friends but now I am getting enough of them!!!  I feel like I am boring to Glenn..he just says he is fine and he loves me and I am never boring.  What a great husband.  We did go outside a little while yesterday afternoon.  He brought home some bird feed and filled up the feeders for me.  He knows how much I love to watch the birds.

So this morning I feel some better.  I see hope in the Sun, the birds, the warmer temperatures,  the supplies coming in for my new sun room.   I always know things are better than I see them at times.  I am just getting tired of this interruption in my life.   I really miss my normal life.  So many things I
took for granted that were normal..are not anymore.

I have so much to still be thankful for though. I never forget that.  MY problems are so small compared to others that I see when I really look around.  So today I am going to try to get up off my comfy couch and enjoy the day God has made for me.

Have an great day!  Mel

Thessalonians 5:16 Be joyful always;

Milestone reached

Just got home from the cancer center getting my last treatment for now!!!!!  YIPPEEE!!!!!!!  I need cake!!!! Chocolate with chocolate icing!!!!!  Katie was my support for this milestone today.  Right now I am feeling good.  One of the drugs always gives me a headache.  I need a nap desperately but thought I would write to all my followers first.

Speaking of followers, you guys that read this,  you have no idea that me knowing that you are following is such good medicine for me.  I don't write for pity or attention.   It does me good to share what I am going through.  Maybe it will give someone,  that may experience cancer first hand someday,  hope  that it doesn't have to be really bad and detrimental.   If you have a great support system, which I do,  you can get through anything and everything.  I thank all of you for being there for me.  Your comments, words of kindness, hope, support, prayers all of it makes my heart feel so good.  It makes me smile.   I have great friends that have offered to provide meals for us.  God bless you all.  I especially couldn't do it without my family, we hold each other up and fall apart together when needed, but we always get back up...stronger.

So today was a turning point.  The last three months of chemo every 3 weeks has come and gone.  WOW!!!  Time flies.  This is a good thing.   I am so thankful I did not have alot of sickness and side effects.  I was expecting the worse and it never came.   The last treatment was the worst and it took me a bout one and half weeks to fully get back on my feet.  This one will probably be a bout the same.  I can handle this.

I get a three week break then I start round two of chemo.  That one will not be quite as strong, side effects are different.  Treatments will be once  a week for three months.  OK  I can handle this too.  Still can't work yet at my regular job, but I have been reassured my job will be waiting on me when I can get back.  Thank you WOFP!!

Okay, it's time for my nap.  Katie and Lula are here (Lula is my grandpuppy) Katie is such a wonderful child.  She was with me today and we worked on wedding stuff and just kept each other company.  She likes to come back home with me for the afternoon to make sure I am OK.   She's pulling weeds right now.

Today I have many things to be thankful for, I am truly blessed.

Luke 6:38 ESV

Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

Loves and hugs....Mel

what just happend ?

Good morning  all.  Not much to post about me today,  so I will take you on a little adventure my family had this past weekend.  You will probably laugh, that's what we ended up doing!!!

My Mom and Dad, Katie , me and Glenn planned a trip to Maggie Valley to meet Derek for the weekend.  If you aren't aware, Derek is in college at WCU!  A little background....Derek is my drama child.  If it can be lost, broke or something bad happen,  he will be the one to do it.  Cell phones, cameras..car trouble...on and on.

So we  get to Maggie Valley Friday night. We can't sleep very good because of the tornado warnings going on.  Glenn made us sleep in clothes that we can run to the basement in, in case we have to make a mad dash when the tornado hits.  That was a fun night.

All was ok during the night.   Saturday morning Derek calls, he is supposed to be coming over to the house we are staying in,  he tells us he lost his keys running in the storm  to a safe place Friday night!  Oh my stars!!!!  The saga of Derek begins.  We go pick him up in Cullowhee.... then later we have to take him to work.  Basically uneventful the rest of the day.

We wake up Sunday morning with snow coming down...are you kidding me?  Snow really?  We got to get home.  Only flurries so all was OK.  We are in my parents car so now we have  six people to fit in a five passenger car.  So four of us cram into the back seat to take Derek back home to figure out how he is going to get another key made.  Of course me being the Momma, I just want to help him as much as possible, but I know he needs to take responsibility.  So after him figuring out the Honda dealership can make a key but they have to have the car...what?  So now he has to have it towed to Asheville.   So  still searching options he finds a mobile key maker to come out.  yay!!  what a refief. Glenn says...it ain't over  yet.  Glenn handles it all so patiently and is able to guide Derek to what he needs to take care of.

 So we walk up 3 flights of stairs to his apartment so Mom and Daddy can see where he lives.  As we are sitting there for just a minute..Daddy says.." we need to get to Asheville, my back is hurting".  This is his symptom he had with his last two heart attacks.

So we jump in the car and head  back to Sylva which has a small rural hospital.   He ends up being admitted.  We get to stay an extra night!  Thank God, all his tests were normal and it was not a heart attack but something was going on.   Daddy was in rare form the whole time..really himself but on over drive,  when the nurse was trying to discharge him he kept talking junk and wasting time.  Me and Mom finally told him to be quiet so we can get out of there!

Back to Derek.. Monday morning..the mobile guy came out and for some  reason he could not make a key. So  he ends up having to have it towed.  Of course this is going to be a very expensive key!!!  Derek was able to ride with the tow truck to Asheville, we think all is well now..wrong!!  Finally at about 4 o'clock Daddy got his stress test results and they said get out of here and go home and see your doctor!!!!  Finally going home.   About that time I got a text from Derek...disbelief....it said.  "I got here and the key machine crashed...my friend is coming to get me and they will work on the car hopefully Tues."   Are you kiding me?  This is unreal...why can't something just be easy for that child?   At this point I am beyond exasperated and exhausted by it all. We told him good luck, I hate it,  here's your money.... but we are going home!!!

We thank God Daddy was not in serious health and  was able to get home.  I do not recommend stopping at that hospital for anything! Now my sister and brother and I are in  deep discussion of who's turn it is to take over getting Mom and Daddy to his doctors now and making sure they get there.  I had my turn this weekend!!  ( just kidding Momma and Daddy).

 After turning into hysterical laughter, Katie and I felt we needed a couple of bottles of wine for the road,   sedatives for   Momma and Daddy and a medal for Glenn!!!

Now if we can get Derek taken care of...all is well!  He is causing me hair loss!!!!

Have a great week everyone!

Loves and hugs..Mel

Good Day

I will try to show you the progress on the new room.  Key word here to try.  What a beautiful day!!  I woke up early and am feeling great!  I put my workout clothes on did my workout routine, then took Abbey for a mile walk.  First time I have done that in weeks.  Of course it took me twice as long to walk a mile 30min instead of 15, but at least I did it. Abbey loved it.  I think her personality has changed since I have been home "sick" the past two months.  She hardly leaves my side and seems depressed.  Maybe she has seasonal depression.  Maybe she will get Spring fever!

I'm excited about this weekend..going to Cullowhee to see Derek!! Probably bake him some cookies.

Everyone have a great weekend and God Bless you all!!!      Below are the biggining pictures