I know it has been a long time since I posted anything..anything at all actually. I don't know what has happened. Ever since I had my last radiation and knew that things were finally over. I've had a hard time. I know it sounds crazy but it is true.
I think part of it is I had a wedding to get ready for on Oct 6. my daughter got married and there was lots to do. I tell ya. I was worried this time last year if I would be be around to see her get married. When you cancer...you just think the worst. Praise God I did see her and this cancer this time will not ever stop me from continuing on to see what the future is like.
I had a hard time adjusting to..not being sick...it has been a very emotional last few months. I'll try to explain. (and just so you know my doctor the way I am feeling is completely normal). I was going to the cancer center everyday. I had my routine. I knew how I was feeling.. I expected to feel bad most days...and I did. I finished...everything.. no going back except for followups. It was time to get on with my life and get back to normal. What is normal? How am I supposed to feel?
I feel sad. Let down. depressed, empty, glad, hopeful, joyful, lost. Yes I am a mess!!!! My doctor stated it as normal...so many emotions...they were my safety net....I didn't have the Cancer Center to go to./ To see my friends still their getting treatments My wonderful healthcare family that took care of me. My wonderful friend Joy that me warm blankets and drinks and made sure I was comfortable during treatments.
I had to start relying on myself again. I almost felt left out.. I was not center of attention anymore. Please don't get me wrong...I really did not like all the attention, but it was what it was. I no longer have excuses for not wanting to do things.. I have no excuse not to cook, clean, vacuum, take care of everything like I used to. Wait...I still can't quiet get it together.
I had to start on hormone blocker medication. This one pill everyday for 5 years is just as important as the chemo was. My cancer fed off my hormones...so guess what...I have to have them all blocked. Do you have any idea what that means?? So the chemo through my body into full menopause..so I got all those symptoms..so let's just magnify the all by 100!!! Moodiness, snappishness, not caring about anything. it goes on and on. I am trying...very hard.
I am having trouble finding joy right now.. I try. I am so thankful to be off that detour of the last 11 months. Yes it has been almost 1 year. My doctors told me it would take about 1 year to get through it all and to get back to a normal life. They were right. One year of my life and my family's life. Not knowing what the future will be like.
I am very blessed for where I am now. It all seems like a bad dream... it is sometimes hard to believe it all actually happened. I sure don't want to relive it just to be sure.
Thank you all for following along with me. I hop to keep on blogging. I would like to think I have helped someone else and I want to continue doing so in some kind of way.
Love to all of you. Melanie
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
DONE!!!!!
This will be short and sweet.. I will elaborate later. Today was my very last treatment for breast cancer. 16 chemo treatments, 33 radiation treatments... 8 months later...I am done!!! I should say WE are done. I did not do this alone by any means. My little engine that could organized me a celebration party with some family tonight. I just thought we were going over for pizza with Katie Thomas and Derek. My parents and Glenn's parents were already there. I was so surprised!!
At the Cancer Center today, Glenn met me. The radiation team graduated me with a song, a balloon and a diploma. I got to ring the bell symbolizing my completion. It has been a very emotional day. Bitter sweet kind of. I have to sit back and allow all of this to sink in. I feel right now that I have my life back and I'm gona enjoy it!!
Pictures I promise. Stay with me .
Love to ALL...Mel
At the Cancer Center today, Glenn met me. The radiation team graduated me with a song, a balloon and a diploma. I got to ring the bell symbolizing my completion. It has been a very emotional day. Bitter sweet kind of. I have to sit back and allow all of this to sink in. I feel right now that I have my life back and I'm gona enjoy it!!
Pictures I promise. Stay with me .
Love to ALL...Mel
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
countdown
I had no idea so many people are following my blog. Almost weekly I have someone tell that they are keeping up with me. I guess if I can inspire or encourage others, then this has been my purpose.
As of today I have 4 radiation treatments left!!! 4!! I started out with 33!!! WOW it is hard to believe it is almost over. Last week when I saw my doctor I was trying to tell her how crazy I feel. I can't sleep, I ache, I cry...she said it is all normal. She said listen, " your body has gone through dramatic change over the last 8 months. You have had hormonal, chemical physical and mental changes. It will take a few months once we are finished with everything to get you back to a normal state". On thinking about this, she is exactly right. I am messed up!!!
It has defiantly been a struggle for most days. I try so hard to keep up a good appearance. For the most part I do feel OK...just most everyday, by the end of the day I am struggling more. I just keep on going. I'm tired of my life being held back. I miss having fun and being lively. I mostly miss cooking and being with my family sharing a good meal and being together. I used to cook a lot more and have my kids over and just enjoy laughing and having fun... not so much right now. I just can't seem to get the cooking thing back. Most people would be ok with that...not me (well sometime).
I fell like I am missing out o life right now. I have a wedding coming up in 4 weeks.. I got to get it together. I should be feeling much better by then. I better be.. it will be a long day of celebrations.
My radiation treatments have not caused me many problems. The only thing is of right now my bad boob is a complete brown slightly sunburned look. It is tender where the lymph nodes were removed. That is the spot they are concentrating the last 5 treatments. I am still so thankful. I have seen a couple of my friends that are going through the same and they are in misery. They got a lot more burned than I have been. I am so thankful. God is still with me.
I think I mentioned before about my hair coming back... it is really growing and very curly. It seems to be stunted on the very top.. it is very slow coming in, so I still have a mullett look... very sexy. My new eyelashes are much thicker and long than previously.. I certainly don't ave to use as much mascara as before. I'm going to make an appointment to get my brows waxed. They are crazy!!! I am delighted!!!
I know many women are going though what I have gone though and I know many prayers have been said on my behalf. Thank you so much for that. I could not get though without your diligence. I will ask you to add two friends to your prayers, Jane and Maria. They are going though breast cancer and treatments. Let's pray for their health, wellbeing, and their families.
Gonna go now... going into later this morning.. I am trying half days until the end. I just get too tired and weary if I work all day.
God bless you all and have an awesome day!!!!!
Loves and hugs.. Mel
As of today I have 4 radiation treatments left!!! 4!! I started out with 33!!! WOW it is hard to believe it is almost over. Last week when I saw my doctor I was trying to tell her how crazy I feel. I can't sleep, I ache, I cry...she said it is all normal. She said listen, " your body has gone through dramatic change over the last 8 months. You have had hormonal, chemical physical and mental changes. It will take a few months once we are finished with everything to get you back to a normal state". On thinking about this, she is exactly right. I am messed up!!!
It has defiantly been a struggle for most days. I try so hard to keep up a good appearance. For the most part I do feel OK...just most everyday, by the end of the day I am struggling more. I just keep on going. I'm tired of my life being held back. I miss having fun and being lively. I mostly miss cooking and being with my family sharing a good meal and being together. I used to cook a lot more and have my kids over and just enjoy laughing and having fun... not so much right now. I just can't seem to get the cooking thing back. Most people would be ok with that...not me (well sometime).
I fell like I am missing out o life right now. I have a wedding coming up in 4 weeks.. I got to get it together. I should be feeling much better by then. I better be.. it will be a long day of celebrations.
My radiation treatments have not caused me many problems. The only thing is of right now my bad boob is a complete brown slightly sunburned look. It is tender where the lymph nodes were removed. That is the spot they are concentrating the last 5 treatments. I am still so thankful. I have seen a couple of my friends that are going through the same and they are in misery. They got a lot more burned than I have been. I am so thankful. God is still with me.
I think I mentioned before about my hair coming back... it is really growing and very curly. It seems to be stunted on the very top.. it is very slow coming in, so I still have a mullett look... very sexy. My new eyelashes are much thicker and long than previously.. I certainly don't ave to use as much mascara as before. I'm going to make an appointment to get my brows waxed. They are crazy!!! I am delighted!!!
I know many women are going though what I have gone though and I know many prayers have been said on my behalf. Thank you so much for that. I could not get though without your diligence. I will ask you to add two friends to your prayers, Jane and Maria. They are going though breast cancer and treatments. Let's pray for their health, wellbeing, and their families.
Gonna go now... going into later this morning.. I am trying half days until the end. I just get too tired and weary if I work all day.
God bless you all and have an awesome day!!!!!
Loves and hugs.. Mel
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
still chugging a long
I wish I had lots of nice pictures of things to post here. I have seen others' blogs and they are so nice and colorful. I guess that's actually what they do for a living and have lots of time and the know how. I have none of that. Sorry. You will just have to be bored with mine.
It seems since I started back to work I don't have a second extra. I think that is because by the time I get home I am literally wiped out and can barely do anything. Then I can't sleep at night , then I can't wake up in the mornings!!!
They said that radiation would make you fatigued. They were not kidding. I felt ok the first few weeks then it caught up with me. BAM!! Since I had no energy reserve to start with due to chemo, I have no energy on hand. So I feel pretty good once I wake up... but ...when I do get out of bed I feel like I am about 100 years old. My feet hit the floor and Can't walk. My ankles and calves just do not want to bend. My feet are numb and tingly. I go to get my coffee cup and I can't hold it by the handle because it makes my fingers hurt. I do some stretching and try to get my body going again. Welcome to my mornings. About 3 pm everyday it happens. That fuzzy headed fatigue, just don't feel good thing strikes. I have to barrel though it because I have to be at work and I want to try. I feel like I can't enjoy my work right now. I feel bad most of the day. I love to talk and get to know my patients, but right now I could care less...just get them out so I can go home!!! This is not me at all.
I have 8 more radiation treatments. My bad boob is not causing me any problems. One of the side effects from radiation they said would be redness, tenderness like a bad sunburn. I have some redness but it doesn't bother me at all. I can tell they are zapping me for longer zaps now. I'l see what the next 8 bring.
It has been a strange journey. I now sort of feel that everyone thinks I am well and over it all. I know this is hard to understand. I'm not wanting sympathy. I am so glad I am almost finished. I have had amazing support thru this. I think it is like I am better, I am working my hair is coming back so I must be OK!! The real truth is ..I am ok, but I am not well, I am still surviving cancer, I still feel crappy everyday, I am still waiting on my hair to grow so I don't look like a boy or I don't have a mullet hair cut. I am still waiting to have energy and feel good so I can do things for my daughters wedding coming up. I am still waiting to feel like cooking a good meal most days. I am still waiting to get my whole life back. I miss doing all the things I enjoy.. I am still waiting to be ble to sleep thru the night without having take alot of sleep aids, and waking up with my mind a jumble mess and how am I going to feel today.
8 more..I can do this..then recover....I can do this...Please continue to keep me in your prayers... I am still fighting and struggling. I pray that God will continue to see me through. I know he will. Glenn is still my little engine.. tugging me along. He reminds me when I am low.
Thank you friends. Thank you for following me thru and encouraging me by ready my posts. You are my inspiration.
Loves and Hugs Mel
It seems since I started back to work I don't have a second extra. I think that is because by the time I get home I am literally wiped out and can barely do anything. Then I can't sleep at night , then I can't wake up in the mornings!!!
They said that radiation would make you fatigued. They were not kidding. I felt ok the first few weeks then it caught up with me. BAM!! Since I had no energy reserve to start with due to chemo, I have no energy on hand. So I feel pretty good once I wake up... but ...when I do get out of bed I feel like I am about 100 years old. My feet hit the floor and Can't walk. My ankles and calves just do not want to bend. My feet are numb and tingly. I go to get my coffee cup and I can't hold it by the handle because it makes my fingers hurt. I do some stretching and try to get my body going again. Welcome to my mornings. About 3 pm everyday it happens. That fuzzy headed fatigue, just don't feel good thing strikes. I have to barrel though it because I have to be at work and I want to try. I feel like I can't enjoy my work right now. I feel bad most of the day. I love to talk and get to know my patients, but right now I could care less...just get them out so I can go home!!! This is not me at all.
I have 8 more radiation treatments. My bad boob is not causing me any problems. One of the side effects from radiation they said would be redness, tenderness like a bad sunburn. I have some redness but it doesn't bother me at all. I can tell they are zapping me for longer zaps now. I'l see what the next 8 bring.
It has been a strange journey. I now sort of feel that everyone thinks I am well and over it all. I know this is hard to understand. I'm not wanting sympathy. I am so glad I am almost finished. I have had amazing support thru this. I think it is like I am better, I am working my hair is coming back so I must be OK!! The real truth is ..I am ok, but I am not well, I am still surviving cancer, I still feel crappy everyday, I am still waiting on my hair to grow so I don't look like a boy or I don't have a mullet hair cut. I am still waiting to have energy and feel good so I can do things for my daughters wedding coming up. I am still waiting to feel like cooking a good meal most days. I am still waiting to get my whole life back. I miss doing all the things I enjoy.. I am still waiting to be ble to sleep thru the night without having take alot of sleep aids, and waking up with my mind a jumble mess and how am I going to feel today.
8 more..I can do this..then recover....I can do this...Please continue to keep me in your prayers... I am still fighting and struggling. I pray that God will continue to see me through. I know he will. Glenn is still my little engine.. tugging me along. He reminds me when I am low.
Thank you friends. Thank you for following me thru and encouraging me by ready my posts. You are my inspiration.
Loves and Hugs Mel
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
moving on
I really am trying to keep this up better. I started back to work about 3 weeks ago and you would think that I had never worked outside the home before. I cannot seem to find time or the energy to get on !! It seems that everything is happening so fast!!
I was lying on the radiation table today....well let me just tell you about all this. I first had to go to my initial appointment to prepare for radiation. This involved a CT scan of my bad boob and chest area to make sure the bad lump was all gone... and it was!!!. Next I had to lay my upper body on this square bean bag looking thing. I had to put my arms up over my head and be still. My body made a mold into the beanbag thingy and they sucked all the air out of it and it stayed like that. So everytime I go for a treatment I am laying the exact same way. They took a lot of measurements and angles and things and put it all into this machine. Each time I go I get exactly the perfect amount in the corect places.
I have the same time appointment everyday. I just breeze in..go back, put my prety little gown on, lay on my mold... lay still for all about 5 minutes..and I am done!!!
Anyways... getting back to what I wanted to say...as I was laying there today...I had a few minutes..5..to just relax and take a deep breath. I suddenly thought of everything that has happened. Six months of chemo..now I am almost half way through with radiation. What a whirlwind. What just happend? I just had a moment. I had a couple of tears that rolled down my eyes into my ears. I couldn't wipe them away because they would have to start over if I moved. I just got suddenly very emotional. A good emotion. I was feeling so blessed and fortunate. I have been having such good days being back at work. I really love my job. I just started counting my blessings very quickly and it was a wonderful feeling.
I am finally able to feel like I can move on with my life. My life had stopped on Dec. 5. the life I knew and was used to. I finally feel hope, excitement, energy..(o far with radiation). I have a daughter getting married in less than 2 months!!! I got a lot to be excited about!!! I feel I have a new life. I am still trying to figure out what my purpose is for having gone thru all this. I feel like I need to be doing more in some form of giving back. I don't know. For right now I guess I need to finish totally getting well and getting back to "normal".
Oh I almost forgot to tell you.... I have my own eyebrows now.. actually I need to have them waxed they are getting crazy!!! I also have thick long eyelashes!!! It seems they just grew out over night!! Now the grand fianle......drum roll please............I use my hair dryer for the first time in 6 months!!!!! I know!!!!..... it didn't really do anthing different..but I did use it!!!!
God bless you all. I do... Love Mel
I was lying on the radiation table today....well let me just tell you about all this. I first had to go to my initial appointment to prepare for radiation. This involved a CT scan of my bad boob and chest area to make sure the bad lump was all gone... and it was!!!. Next I had to lay my upper body on this square bean bag looking thing. I had to put my arms up over my head and be still. My body made a mold into the beanbag thingy and they sucked all the air out of it and it stayed like that. So everytime I go for a treatment I am laying the exact same way. They took a lot of measurements and angles and things and put it all into this machine. Each time I go I get exactly the perfect amount in the corect places.
I have the same time appointment everyday. I just breeze in..go back, put my prety little gown on, lay on my mold... lay still for all about 5 minutes..and I am done!!!
Anyways... getting back to what I wanted to say...as I was laying there today...I had a few minutes..5..to just relax and take a deep breath. I suddenly thought of everything that has happened. Six months of chemo..now I am almost half way through with radiation. What a whirlwind. What just happend? I just had a moment. I had a couple of tears that rolled down my eyes into my ears. I couldn't wipe them away because they would have to start over if I moved. I just got suddenly very emotional. A good emotion. I was feeling so blessed and fortunate. I have been having such good days being back at work. I really love my job. I just started counting my blessings very quickly and it was a wonderful feeling.
I am finally able to feel like I can move on with my life. My life had stopped on Dec. 5. the life I knew and was used to. I finally feel hope, excitement, energy..(o far with radiation). I have a daughter getting married in less than 2 months!!! I got a lot to be excited about!!! I feel I have a new life. I am still trying to figure out what my purpose is for having gone thru all this. I feel like I need to be doing more in some form of giving back. I don't know. For right now I guess I need to finish totally getting well and getting back to "normal".
Oh I almost forgot to tell you.... I have my own eyebrows now.. actually I need to have them waxed they are getting crazy!!! I also have thick long eyelashes!!! It seems they just grew out over night!! Now the grand fianle......drum roll please............I use my hair dryer for the first time in 6 months!!!!! I know!!!!..... it didn't really do anthing different..but I did use it!!!!
God bless you all. I do... Love Mel
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
last days
Good morning.... today was the first morning I actually got up and took a walk with my dog Abbey. I am going to try to start walking everyday. I think the gym is out of the question for now. I have pictures you will see on here. They were all mostly made the day of my last chemo treatment.
It was a bitter sweet time. I had , made new friends during the 6 months I was in the Cancer Center. I saw friends leave and finish up before me..I met new friends coming in. We were all one big family. I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful all the staff are at the Cancer Center. They become part of your family.
The ringing of the bell...everyone does this on the last chemo....you are all finished...you made it through...ring that bell!!!
I have some more pictures..but you know me..always hving technical difficulty. I'll try it again later, and share some more thoughts. Since I'm back at work all I want to do is count down till dark so I can go to bed!!
Love to all...Mel
The ringing of the bell...everyone does this on the last chemo....you are all finished...you made it through...ring that bell!!!
I have some more pictures..but you know me..always hving technical difficulty. I'll try it again later, and share some more thoughts. Since I'm back at work all I want to do is count down till dark so I can go to bed!!
Love to all...Mel
Sunday, August 5, 2012
I'm back!
I know it has been along time since I have blogged about anything useful of beneficial or inspiring to you all. I really don't know what happened since the last good blog. I will try to explain it.
I believe that when I finished my chemo it was like a whole new chapter was beginning and a bad chapter ending and I had a hard time talking about it. I just decided to live in the newness of what I was feeling. As I reflect back it all seems so foggy and so long ago. "did all?that really happen".? Wow what did happen.?
My life is slowly coming back a normal...well a normal for me. I don't think my life will ever be normal like it used to be. Things have certainly changed...I look at people, life and opportunities differently.
Glenn went on a month long mission trip to Cambodia and Myanmar the week after I finished my last treatment. I was glad for him to go. It was a very meaningful and door opening experience for him...maybe for us both in the near future.
I started getting my hair back a couple of months ago. Now it is about 1-1/2 inches long on my head. The good news is I am so over scarves, headbands and most hats. Glen and I are at the beach right now..It has been so wonderful not to have to have a hat sitting on my head waiting for a big gust of wind to com along and blow it off...can't you see me ..this bald women running down the beach tring to catch my run a way hat.?? hahaha. Now I just wash and go. it is short...but it is still growing and I am proud of my hair!!!!
Much has happened..I started back to work 2 weeks ago. I tried to go back to full days, but I found that was a little too much to start with. I am working half days for awhile. Until I get my stamina built back up. It took more out of me than I thought. I am so thankful for my employers for working with me.
I have so much to share with you all...I don't want to bore you either. I started my radiation 2 weeks ago.. so far that is going well. No problems yet. I will tell you all about that next time.
Since I was diagnosed with breast cancer...two of my friends and followers on here have been diagnosed. Jane and Maria I think of you everyday. They would tell me what an inspiration I was being to them and bam!!!! they got bad boobs too. I am telling you people....you never know what direction your life is going to take. Be ready. Be brave. and hold on.
Gotta go back and get out of our hotel..I think WAFFLE house is our next stop!!!!
Love to all and I will finish spilling my soul next time.
Melanie
I believe that when I finished my chemo it was like a whole new chapter was beginning and a bad chapter ending and I had a hard time talking about it. I just decided to live in the newness of what I was feeling. As I reflect back it all seems so foggy and so long ago. "did all?that really happen".? Wow what did happen.?
My life is slowly coming back a normal...well a normal for me. I don't think my life will ever be normal like it used to be. Things have certainly changed...I look at people, life and opportunities differently.
Glenn went on a month long mission trip to Cambodia and Myanmar the week after I finished my last treatment. I was glad for him to go. It was a very meaningful and door opening experience for him...maybe for us both in the near future.
I started getting my hair back a couple of months ago. Now it is about 1-1/2 inches long on my head. The good news is I am so over scarves, headbands and most hats. Glen and I are at the beach right now..It has been so wonderful not to have to have a hat sitting on my head waiting for a big gust of wind to com along and blow it off...can't you see me ..this bald women running down the beach tring to catch my run a way hat.?? hahaha. Now I just wash and go. it is short...but it is still growing and I am proud of my hair!!!!
Much has happened..I started back to work 2 weeks ago. I tried to go back to full days, but I found that was a little too much to start with. I am working half days for awhile. Until I get my stamina built back up. It took more out of me than I thought. I am so thankful for my employers for working with me.
I have so much to share with you all...I don't want to bore you either. I started my radiation 2 weeks ago.. so far that is going well. No problems yet. I will tell you all about that next time.
Since I was diagnosed with breast cancer...two of my friends and followers on here have been diagnosed. Jane and Maria I think of you everyday. They would tell me what an inspiration I was being to them and bam!!!! they got bad boobs too. I am telling you people....you never know what direction your life is going to take. Be ready. Be brave. and hold on.
Gotta go back and get out of our hotel..I think WAFFLE house is our next stop!!!!
Love to all and I will finish spilling my soul next time.
Melanie
Sunday, July 15, 2012
courage
I don't know why I am having such a hard time posting??? I just can't seem to get my courage up....yes I think that's what it is. I don't understand it, but the thought of posting just makes me anxious now. I don't know what I am afraid of but it seems I am. I hate leaving all my followers and readers with nothing...I am trying. I hope I can get my courage up in the morning. It just seems so much has happend and I have so many different emotions... I am trying.
Still thankful for you all and love you all very much. Mel
Still thankful for you all and love you all very much. Mel
Friday, June 22, 2012
getting there
Well it has been exactly one week and one day since my very last treatment. I'm waiting.......waiting......waiting to feel good!!!! Maybe I'm trying to rush things a little.. For the last 12 weeks I have had a treatment every Thursday so I don't know how the day after should feel like without one. I do know yesterday and the day before were bad days. Of course I to ED and being had been stressed and busy with my Dad taking him to the hospital and having him admitted for super low BP. He got home yesterday and I just stayed at home yesterday to rest. I felt exhausted yesterday and almost lost my balance and fell in Walker shoes trying on flip flops....I thought some retail therapy might make me feel better. I grabbed on to the shelf and regained my composure. nobody saw that).
I feel and look like a buffer fish. My eyes are so puffy, my ankles are kankles. My doctor is going to call me in some fluid pills. So my eyes will hopefully match now...one won't be puffier and droopier than the other.
I went to bed last night exahusted..I thought certainly I will fall asleep fast...NOT...my legs ached, my head still hurt from a miagrain I got earlier in the day. I got up and took another (relaxer) and some advil. Soon I was in the land of slumber. I don't even remember dreaming!!!
Yes..it is almost over....I am ready to feel good. I have many weeds to pull....they are just waiting....they have missed me.
I still got pictures to put up..but I just still don't feel like using my brain much right now. I just am having to make myself do a lot right now. I hope that hurries and comes back.
I will post a gain. I need to go take all my meds.. I feel my arms starting to ache just sitting here typing. BUt whose complaining.....it is going to be better!!!!
More later...gotta go have more coffee!!!
LOves and hugs...Mel
(I'm not even doing spell check)
I feel and look like a buffer fish. My eyes are so puffy, my ankles are kankles. My doctor is going to call me in some fluid pills. So my eyes will hopefully match now...one won't be puffier and droopier than the other.
I went to bed last night exahusted..I thought certainly I will fall asleep fast...NOT...my legs ached, my head still hurt from a miagrain I got earlier in the day. I got up and took another (relaxer) and some advil. Soon I was in the land of slumber. I don't even remember dreaming!!!
Yes..it is almost over....I am ready to feel good. I have many weeds to pull....they are just waiting....they have missed me.
I still got pictures to put up..but I just still don't feel like using my brain much right now. I just am having to make myself do a lot right now. I hope that hurries and comes back.
I will post a gain. I need to go take all my meds.. I feel my arms starting to ache just sitting here typing. BUt whose complaining.....it is going to be better!!!!
More later...gotta go have more coffee!!!
LOves and hugs...Mel
(I'm not even doing spell check)
Saturday, June 16, 2012
happy days
Just a little quick note for now. I did have my last treatment Thursday!!!! It doesn't seem real. So right now I am starting to feel crappy...weak, achy, a littel unsteady on my feet.. but the best part is...these are the last few days I have to hopefully ever feel this way again. I am not feeling sorry for myself I am rejoicing!!!!
I have some pictures to post and I will. I have lot's of thoughts to share with you all. I have lots to do today. I promise I wil be back. I so appreciate you all following me on my posts and my journey. You have been my inspiration.
Have a great Saturday! I will be back.
Loves and hugs,,,Mel.
I have some pictures to post and I will. I have lot's of thoughts to share with you all. I have lots to do today. I promise I wil be back. I so appreciate you all following me on my posts and my journey. You have been my inspiration.
Have a great Saturday! I will be back.
Loves and hugs,,,Mel.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
counting down
I know last time I sounded pitiful....I think I am over it !! I am trying to have a positive attitude. Good grief!!!! I only have one more treatment left to go...who wouldn't have a better attitude? Sixteen chemotherapy treatments over the last six months....whew..that's a lot. I made it!!
I'm not going to post a lot today...I'm saving it. I do have a lot to say and share with you all. I'll get that done another post.
I do want to say a big heartfelt thank you to some of my friends. I went by my workplace last week and everyone had signed a card for me. That meant a lot to me. I do miss being at work. My miss my co-workers and just being a part of something. I also got a special gift from a friend I have never even met...yet.
Through this whole experience..I can certainly say..I have not been through it alone. I could not of made it without the network of friends and support I have had. I love you all.
Have a great Sunday. Be back again soon. Mel
Monday, June 4, 2012
impatient
I know I fell off my job....posting and being humorous and being happy and being inspirational. I'm just not feeling it. I should be elated...I got two more treatments left!!!! I just can't get excited.
The last few treatments are have been the worst of all. I am thankful. I am so thankful overall has been great compared to what all the side effects could of been like. I only have had a few minor things.
Now I sleep for two days after my treatments. Saturday and Sunday were blurrs. I did get to go to church Sunday morning. That certainly was a good thing and it felt so good to be back. I was worn out. I slept.
Today I had a hard time getting up. I slept in a little while. I got up and felt pretty good. I actually felt like doing things. I kinda tidied up out side on the patio, watered some flowers. It felt so good. Kinda like being alive again.
I debated weather to do laundry and dishes. I decided to do a load of clothes. There are dishes to unload in the dishwasher and sink full of dirty dishes...for two days...waiting.....I think they are just going to wait. Can you tell I am a little aggravated?
Don't get me wrong...I have had the best...the best...husband helping me, but for some reason..I feel like he thinks I am really not sick and I can continue doing all the house chores. We ran out of sugar...twice he commented about that. Well he knows the way to the grocery store. I am just tired of it all. Six months is a long time and I am getting very impatient, about everything.
Right now my legs are numb, my arms feel they weigh 100 pounds. I started having a migraine earlier. I took some medicine just closed my eyes for a few minutes. It seemed to to help. I had planned on going to see my parents today. I am still gonna try to go.
Just two more......just two more. I just want to feel good again. I just want to do things. I don't want to be "snappy" to my husband. I want to enjoy being with friends and family and feeling good and not having to pretend a little.
I look out my windows, I see such beauty and I am so blessed as I look at my surroundings. All this cancer has taken away alot of joy and happiness. It has taken away part of my life. I know it will all come back. I just hold on to that. I am just not happy today.
Hopefully next post I can be joyous!!!!!
Love to all...Mel
The last few treatments are have been the worst of all. I am thankful. I am so thankful overall has been great compared to what all the side effects could of been like. I only have had a few minor things.
Now I sleep for two days after my treatments. Saturday and Sunday were blurrs. I did get to go to church Sunday morning. That certainly was a good thing and it felt so good to be back. I was worn out. I slept.
Today I had a hard time getting up. I slept in a little while. I got up and felt pretty good. I actually felt like doing things. I kinda tidied up out side on the patio, watered some flowers. It felt so good. Kinda like being alive again.
I debated weather to do laundry and dishes. I decided to do a load of clothes. There are dishes to unload in the dishwasher and sink full of dirty dishes...for two days...waiting.....I think they are just going to wait. Can you tell I am a little aggravated?
Don't get me wrong...I have had the best...the best...husband helping me, but for some reason..I feel like he thinks I am really not sick and I can continue doing all the house chores. We ran out of sugar...twice he commented about that. Well he knows the way to the grocery store. I am just tired of it all. Six months is a long time and I am getting very impatient, about everything.
Right now my legs are numb, my arms feel they weigh 100 pounds. I started having a migraine earlier. I took some medicine just closed my eyes for a few minutes. It seemed to to help. I had planned on going to see my parents today. I am still gonna try to go.
Just two more......just two more. I just want to feel good again. I just want to do things. I don't want to be "snappy" to my husband. I want to enjoy being with friends and family and feeling good and not having to pretend a little.
I look out my windows, I see such beauty and I am so blessed as I look at my surroundings. All this cancer has taken away alot of joy and happiness. It has taken away part of my life. I know it will all come back. I just hold on to that. I am just not happy today.
Hopefully next post I can be joyous!!!!!
Love to all...Mel
Thursday, May 31, 2012
typical treatment day
OK...I thought I would share my typical chemo day. I usually do all my housework, maybe some cooking, laundry on Wednesday in anticipation on the big day. My appointment wasn't until 10:30 this morning so I decided to do a little housework before I left. I do this because I never how I will be feeling for the next day or so.
I arrive at the Cancer Center and get checked in. The girls that do this are super nice. They know me without asking my name an it has been that way since the second day. I see my fellow bald friends waiting. I sit down and immediately we all three start carrying on our conversation. One lady...who looked so much better today was smiling. She had been so sick the past few times she could not even talk. Today she is doing great. My other pal is here with her husband. She comes over and we start comparing how we are feeling, what we are doing or not doing at home. We have a kindred friendship. It cannot be described. Others will never understand. We share a common bond. We are sisters of cancer.
I get called back to get my bloodwork done. I always always have to have a pregnancy test done. I just laugh and go pee in a cup. My bloodwork is good. My counts are holding steady. My infection fighting cells are high enough. I am not anemic. It's a go!!!!
I pick out my chair. I recline back and get ready. The treatment room is large. There are about 10 patient chairs and a companion chair beside it. I pick the chair beside my friend and her husband. My other friend is not in here yet. I know she will choose the chair beside me.
There is a new nurse learning how to access ports...great. She comes to me and gets everything ready. She connects with very little problems. I'm a baby when it comes to needles...even after all this time.
Our favorite volunteer is not here today. She comes in to give us blankets, snacks, drinks and support. She went through breast cancer, so she knows what all this is like. We miss her today. I got my little goodie bag. It a kit kat, crunch bar some mints and crackers. These bags are put together by mostly church groups, ladies clubs. It is so nice of them to donate all these special things that make us feel special.
So I got bag number one running in. This is for nausea. Thank you Lord!!! The next one will be Benadryle. This is for the immediate side effects. I was taking 50 mg of this. I am now only getting 25mg. Two weeks ago on 50, I started getting what I call Jimmi legs. I can't keep my legs still. It is like torture. I can't go to sleep because I got to wiggle them. One the nurses noticed this and called my doctor about. From then on it has been 25mg and my legs stay still!!! YAY! and I don't feel like I am on street drugs...my speech isn't slurred, I can think and and I am not saying stupid stuff. I am in my right mind. sorta.
Okay, my IV thing is beeping...I need another bag...of something!!!
I am getting chilly now...not power surges to keep me warm. Blanket please!!! All the staff here are awesome. They know what they are doing and make sure we are cared for. I am glad I chose to stay in Asheboro.
I get to order lunch...yay hospital food. I am getting hungry..I made the mistake of buying non frosted Blueberry poptarts the other day. So that's what I had for breakfast this morning..very nutritional. I ordered chicken pie...of course.... they just called and do not have any...ugh... I changed my order to chicken tenders... ymm h
Ok wait a minute..I was just talking to my pal and I sounded like I have had few to many. I have to try real hard to sound sensible. Oh dear...I hope you can make sense of my writing...I may not know what I'm doing. I'm having trouble spelling..I know i have spellcheck. I put a comment on facebook the other night, Spelling was awful and it didn't make sense...actually I didn't even remember doing it! That's scary!!
I just got a nice warm blanket...straight out of the warmer. It feels sooo good. I get cold in here. Nurse D just brought out he big gun...the chemo bag. In it goes....two more treatments...I can do it. Okay..so here I am sitting...blogging, getting sleepy.
Yippeee...my lunch got just here...the lunch lady looks like we are causing her problems. Just give me my tenders and taters. Actually it is not bad at all.
My friend Reba and I have been through our chemo together. We started the same day and have had the exact same schedule. We both have two treatments left. We have sorta pulled each other on these days. It's been close to 2 1/2 hrs. We both look at our IV bags...mine is about 3/4 left. Reba's IV start peeping. What? how can you be finished before me...you started after me? We are competing to see who gets outta there first.
Just as we are both being unhooked, a lady in a scarf walks by and stops to chat with us. She had been there all morning, but was in a room and I didn't see her earlier. She looks at me and says, "Melanie I didn't know you had cancer" Oh dear she knows me and I do not recognize her!!! What to do? pretend? NO!!!.. I just looked at her and said "who are you"...then at that exact moment her name popped put of my mouth.
We have been long time acquaintances. Some of our children went to school together and she and her family are patients where I work. I had not seen her in several years and she had lost about 150 pounds. I could not believe she was there and she I.
She was diagnosed with leukemia about two months ago and is undergoing treatments. I told her my story and we just hugged. Cancer has no preference, is not racist, is not prejudiced, doesn't care if you are rich or poor, in the prime of your life, have a family. It just doesn't care. The good thing about cancer is....You can get thru it and it changes your life for the better..if you let it.
I got home, I fell on the couch and slept for two hours. Now I am going to have tacos at a litel taco shop and then to delishi with Glenn and Katie to celebrate another one down!!!
love to all, Mel
I arrive at the Cancer Center and get checked in. The girls that do this are super nice. They know me without asking my name an it has been that way since the second day. I see my fellow bald friends waiting. I sit down and immediately we all three start carrying on our conversation. One lady...who looked so much better today was smiling. She had been so sick the past few times she could not even talk. Today she is doing great. My other pal is here with her husband. She comes over and we start comparing how we are feeling, what we are doing or not doing at home. We have a kindred friendship. It cannot be described. Others will never understand. We share a common bond. We are sisters of cancer.
I get called back to get my bloodwork done. I always always have to have a pregnancy test done. I just laugh and go pee in a cup. My bloodwork is good. My counts are holding steady. My infection fighting cells are high enough. I am not anemic. It's a go!!!!
I pick out my chair. I recline back and get ready. The treatment room is large. There are about 10 patient chairs and a companion chair beside it. I pick the chair beside my friend and her husband. My other friend is not in here yet. I know she will choose the chair beside me.
There is a new nurse learning how to access ports...great. She comes to me and gets everything ready. She connects with very little problems. I'm a baby when it comes to needles...even after all this time.
Our favorite volunteer is not here today. She comes in to give us blankets, snacks, drinks and support. She went through breast cancer, so she knows what all this is like. We miss her today. I got my little goodie bag. It a kit kat, crunch bar some mints and crackers. These bags are put together by mostly church groups, ladies clubs. It is so nice of them to donate all these special things that make us feel special.
So I got bag number one running in. This is for nausea. Thank you Lord!!! The next one will be Benadryle. This is for the immediate side effects. I was taking 50 mg of this. I am now only getting 25mg. Two weeks ago on 50, I started getting what I call Jimmi legs. I can't keep my legs still. It is like torture. I can't go to sleep because I got to wiggle them. One the nurses noticed this and called my doctor about. From then on it has been 25mg and my legs stay still!!! YAY! and I don't feel like I am on street drugs...my speech isn't slurred, I can think and and I am not saying stupid stuff. I am in my right mind. sorta.
Okay, my IV thing is beeping...I need another bag...of something!!!
I am getting chilly now...not power surges to keep me warm. Blanket please!!! All the staff here are awesome. They know what they are doing and make sure we are cared for. I am glad I chose to stay in Asheboro.
I get to order lunch...yay hospital food. I am getting hungry..I made the mistake of buying non frosted Blueberry poptarts the other day. So that's what I had for breakfast this morning..very nutritional. I ordered chicken pie...of course.... they just called and do not have any...ugh... I changed my order to chicken tenders... ymm h
Ok wait a minute..I was just talking to my pal and I sounded like I have had few to many. I have to try real hard to sound sensible. Oh dear...I hope you can make sense of my writing...I may not know what I'm doing. I'm having trouble spelling..I know i have spellcheck. I put a comment on facebook the other night, Spelling was awful and it didn't make sense...actually I didn't even remember doing it! That's scary!!
I just got a nice warm blanket...straight out of the warmer. It feels sooo good. I get cold in here. Nurse D just brought out he big gun...the chemo bag. In it goes....two more treatments...I can do it. Okay..so here I am sitting...blogging, getting sleepy.
Yippeee...my lunch got just here...the lunch lady looks like we are causing her problems. Just give me my tenders and taters. Actually it is not bad at all.
My friend Reba and I have been through our chemo together. We started the same day and have had the exact same schedule. We both have two treatments left. We have sorta pulled each other on these days. It's been close to 2 1/2 hrs. We both look at our IV bags...mine is about 3/4 left. Reba's IV start peeping. What? how can you be finished before me...you started after me? We are competing to see who gets outta there first.
Just as we are both being unhooked, a lady in a scarf walks by and stops to chat with us. She had been there all morning, but was in a room and I didn't see her earlier. She looks at me and says, "Melanie I didn't know you had cancer" Oh dear she knows me and I do not recognize her!!! What to do? pretend? NO!!!.. I just looked at her and said "who are you"...then at that exact moment her name popped put of my mouth.
We have been long time acquaintances. Some of our children went to school together and she and her family are patients where I work. I had not seen her in several years and she had lost about 150 pounds. I could not believe she was there and she I.
She was diagnosed with leukemia about two months ago and is undergoing treatments. I told her my story and we just hugged. Cancer has no preference, is not racist, is not prejudiced, doesn't care if you are rich or poor, in the prime of your life, have a family. It just doesn't care. The good thing about cancer is....You can get thru it and it changes your life for the better..if you let it.
I got home, I fell on the couch and slept for two hours. Now I am going to have tacos at a litel taco shop and then to delishi with Glenn and Katie to celebrate another one down!!!
love to all, Mel
Monday, May 21, 2012
blessed mess
Well it is happening......I am starting to feel the effects of this chemo round. Yes I am just going to complain. I am not going to say " I am doing really good" when someone asks me. Oh I know it is not really really bad....but I just don't like it! I am slow getting up and down. I walk slow...I have always been a really fast walker. I feel like I am carrying weights on my arms and legs.....but I'm not getting the benefits from that. No instead I have put on a few extra pounds! What? I thought when you go thru chemo you lose weight. I should be quiet and be thankful I am not sick and lose weight that way. My doctor M. said most women with breast cancer gain weight while on chemo. Great.
I have a goal when I get well. I want to really get back in shape, have some nice muscular arms instead of flab, and try to get into running a little more and do some runs. Oh and belly fat..don't forget belly fat...me and my sister were comparing our bellys the other day....we will work on that too. We will see how it goes but this is something I really want to do for myself.
I have four treatments to go...four!!! I can't believe how fast the last five months have gone by. I am really almost finished.
Another thing I don't like are these...summer moments...power surges...hot flashes!!!! My hormones are just all out of whack. One minute I'm freezing..the next I am having a meltdown. They are mainly at night. I wonder why that is. So Glenn is real happy about all that. I cry, I fan, I am a mess. At least he likes it real cold at night..now so do I.
Glenn and I went to Waynesville this past weekend, to spend some time with the boy..Derek. It was good to see him. I really miss him. There is not so much to do around there. We usually like to go hiking and find some interesting places to see. Oh but no, I had to feel like a 100 year old woman moving around. Hiking? are you kidding? I barely made it just walking on the side walk down town trying to do a little shopping in Mast General Store. I had to go back to the place we stayed and rest the whole afternoon.
My legs and arms just won't co-operate. OK four more...four more.
We stayed at the most peaceful place. I found a good deal at the Waynesville Inn Golf Resort....ha! You may of heard of it or you may of stayed there. It is a historical golfing inn. Yes there were a lot of guys there...having guy weekend and golfing. Our room was right on the fairway...we had a little patio right on the greens. it was so peaceful sitting there watching the ducks land on the little pond and all the birds flying around. The room was just ok....we were able to take our dog Abby...when we checked in they were going to upgrade us to the fancy main Inn but we couldn't have pets. Oh well...the peacefulness outweighed the room. Oh and we also got a free breakfast buffet in the Inn each morning. It was very nice.
Katie had given me a one day cleaning and organizing coupon for Mothers day. When we got back home yesterday my house was a mazing. She had cleaned and mostly she had organized my spare closets and rooms. Mind you now..she does not like clutter. I said just clean out. She did and she labeled things and got rid of things.....her words....".you will never miss anything". I am forever grateful to her!!
So here I sit..outside enjoying my new patio. I am a very blessed person despite it all. I do have pictures of all our new doings...just don't have them on here yet. I am trying. Maybe I will get my nerve up to ask Glenn to help me tonight.
I look around and I see all the blessings God has put in my life and I am so thankful. Even though I have this cancer thing...I am still very grateful for God's goodness in my life.
I will post more later....I still have more to say from the heart but I don't want to bore you to much at one time. Remember I am an emotional wreck right now...so who knows what will come spewing forth next time. :)
Loves and hugs to you all, Mel
I have a goal when I get well. I want to really get back in shape, have some nice muscular arms instead of flab, and try to get into running a little more and do some runs. Oh and belly fat..don't forget belly fat...me and my sister were comparing our bellys the other day....we will work on that too. We will see how it goes but this is something I really want to do for myself.
I have four treatments to go...four!!! I can't believe how fast the last five months have gone by. I am really almost finished.
Another thing I don't like are these...summer moments...power surges...hot flashes!!!! My hormones are just all out of whack. One minute I'm freezing..the next I am having a meltdown. They are mainly at night. I wonder why that is. So Glenn is real happy about all that. I cry, I fan, I am a mess. At least he likes it real cold at night..now so do I.
Glenn and I went to Waynesville this past weekend, to spend some time with the boy..Derek. It was good to see him. I really miss him. There is not so much to do around there. We usually like to go hiking and find some interesting places to see. Oh but no, I had to feel like a 100 year old woman moving around. Hiking? are you kidding? I barely made it just walking on the side walk down town trying to do a little shopping in Mast General Store. I had to go back to the place we stayed and rest the whole afternoon.
My legs and arms just won't co-operate. OK four more...four more.
We stayed at the most peaceful place. I found a good deal at the Waynesville Inn Golf Resort....ha! You may of heard of it or you may of stayed there. It is a historical golfing inn. Yes there were a lot of guys there...having guy weekend and golfing. Our room was right on the fairway...we had a little patio right on the greens. it was so peaceful sitting there watching the ducks land on the little pond and all the birds flying around. The room was just ok....we were able to take our dog Abby...when we checked in they were going to upgrade us to the fancy main Inn but we couldn't have pets. Oh well...the peacefulness outweighed the room. Oh and we also got a free breakfast buffet in the Inn each morning. It was very nice.
Katie had given me a one day cleaning and organizing coupon for Mothers day. When we got back home yesterday my house was a mazing. She had cleaned and mostly she had organized my spare closets and rooms. Mind you now..she does not like clutter. I said just clean out. She did and she labeled things and got rid of things.....her words....".you will never miss anything". I am forever grateful to her!!
So here I sit..outside enjoying my new patio. I am a very blessed person despite it all. I do have pictures of all our new doings...just don't have them on here yet. I am trying. Maybe I will get my nerve up to ask Glenn to help me tonight.
I look around and I see all the blessings God has put in my life and I am so thankful. Even though I have this cancer thing...I am still very grateful for God's goodness in my life.
I will post more later....I still have more to say from the heart but I don't want to bore you to much at one time. Remember I am an emotional wreck right now...so who knows what will come spewing forth next time. :)
Loves and hugs to you all, Mel
Monday, May 14, 2012
Mothers Day
I hope all the wonderful Mothers had a fantastic Mother's Day yesterday. I enjoyed being with all my family and my Mother at a cookout down at Grandma's house...or Miss Nannie or Aunt Nannie however you remember her!!! I sure love my family and all the joy we share. We get together as often as we can..for any occasion too.
We were just missing a some boys from the group. Sharon's two and Derek. Katie brought me in the most beautiful pink Calla Lillie's and the sweetest card. It is fun to see how through the years my children's cards and what they tell me change. It is very rewarding to see that.
Well my room is done!!! We started moving stuff in Saturday night and a few thing Sunday afternoon. It is wonderful! I will post some pics once I figure it out again!! The poor dogs..they are so upset by all the change. I'm thinking it's going to take several days for the to get adjusted. They don't know where to go!
On Saturday, our contractor Freddie and his wife were here working on the house. We have really gotten to know them good. They are a young family for Guatemala. They have been in the U.S. for 14 years. He did an excellent job on our room. We had dinner with them a couple of nights and really got to know them. They wanted to learn English better so Glenn put a program on their computer to help them learn. I feel like we are family now. I'm gonna miss them....but glad my room is finished!!!
During Saturdays work, one of our wonderful church family and friends came over and helped with the cleaning. I had so much to do because of the construction dust and chaos. I can not thank them enough!!! I usually would not want anyone to come in and clean my house...but I am still learning that people really want to help in some way..and it's ok to let them. Shout out to Adrian, Michelle, Abby and Megan! Love you guys!!!
I have felt pretty good this weekend. Just very tired from all the moving and stuff. I just feel like I am ...maybe....90....is that an old age???? Trouble getting going in the mornings. My legs don't want to work right first thing. Oh and we puppy sat this weekend too. Katie's little Lula....my granddoggie. So we had an extra four-legged friend for the weekend.
Hope everyone has a great week. Thank you all for following me along. I will get some room pics up as soon as I can.
Love and Hugs...Melanie
We were just missing a some boys from the group. Sharon's two and Derek. Katie brought me in the most beautiful pink Calla Lillie's and the sweetest card. It is fun to see how through the years my children's cards and what they tell me change. It is very rewarding to see that.
Well my room is done!!! We started moving stuff in Saturday night and a few thing Sunday afternoon. It is wonderful! I will post some pics once I figure it out again!! The poor dogs..they are so upset by all the change. I'm thinking it's going to take several days for the to get adjusted. They don't know where to go!
On Saturday, our contractor Freddie and his wife were here working on the house. We have really gotten to know them good. They are a young family for Guatemala. They have been in the U.S. for 14 years. He did an excellent job on our room. We had dinner with them a couple of nights and really got to know them. They wanted to learn English better so Glenn put a program on their computer to help them learn. I feel like we are family now. I'm gonna miss them....but glad my room is finished!!!
During Saturdays work, one of our wonderful church family and friends came over and helped with the cleaning. I had so much to do because of the construction dust and chaos. I can not thank them enough!!! I usually would not want anyone to come in and clean my house...but I am still learning that people really want to help in some way..and it's ok to let them. Shout out to Adrian, Michelle, Abby and Megan! Love you guys!!!
I have felt pretty good this weekend. Just very tired from all the moving and stuff. I just feel like I am ...maybe....90....is that an old age???? Trouble getting going in the mornings. My legs don't want to work right first thing. Oh and we puppy sat this weekend too. Katie's little Lula....my granddoggie. So we had an extra four-legged friend for the weekend.
Hope everyone has a great week. Thank you all for following me along. I will get some room pics up as soon as I can.
Love and Hugs...Melanie
Friday, May 11, 2012
Happy day
TGIF!!!! How is everyone? I am doing very well. Had treatment number 6 yesterday. Got 5 left. I think that's right. I used to really keep up with this down to the minute. Now I guess it is just whatever. No not really I am excited. It's not over but I am past the mountain and going down the other side now.
Great news!!! My room is almost finished!!! Got the floors finished last night. Just got to do molding and gutters and its done. I have to say we had the best crews here working on everything. Our contractor is a Hispanic young man from Guatemala...all his subcontractors are Hispanic. We could not of asked for any more nice people to work with. We sat down Wed night and I fixed a big pot of chili and we all ate together.
I do have some pictures..but due to my present chemo brain....I can't remember how to put them on here. but I will.
I must say I feel much better than on last post. I have had a much better week. I know it will be this way for awhile. up and down. but hopefully things will level out soon.
I was able to go to church last Sunday. It was so good to be back with my fellow brothers and sisters in the Lord' s house. We had a weeks worth of food waiting on us that was provided by some wonderful cooks in our church. We got home and there was a huge pack of bbq ribs! Did they know Glenn was a rib man? We couldn't believe all the good food. We are truly blessed by our church family.
I'm going to go to work a few hours this afternoon. I got to stay away from germs. My counts are at an all time low. So I have to be extremely careful. At work I can be. I just sit in my little cubby and talk on the phone. Pretty safe. I doubt I will be at church this Sunday, so I will say I love you all and thank you for all you do for us all.
Almost forgot.....Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful Mom's.
Have a fabulous weekend everyone.
Love to you all, Melanie
Great news!!! My room is almost finished!!! Got the floors finished last night. Just got to do molding and gutters and its done. I have to say we had the best crews here working on everything. Our contractor is a Hispanic young man from Guatemala...all his subcontractors are Hispanic. We could not of asked for any more nice people to work with. We sat down Wed night and I fixed a big pot of chili and we all ate together.
I do have some pictures..but due to my present chemo brain....I can't remember how to put them on here. but I will.
I must say I feel much better than on last post. I have had a much better week. I know it will be this way for awhile. up and down. but hopefully things will level out soon.
I was able to go to church last Sunday. It was so good to be back with my fellow brothers and sisters in the Lord' s house. We had a weeks worth of food waiting on us that was provided by some wonderful cooks in our church. We got home and there was a huge pack of bbq ribs! Did they know Glenn was a rib man? We couldn't believe all the good food. We are truly blessed by our church family.
I'm going to go to work a few hours this afternoon. I got to stay away from germs. My counts are at an all time low. So I have to be extremely careful. At work I can be. I just sit in my little cubby and talk on the phone. Pretty safe. I doubt I will be at church this Sunday, so I will say I love you all and thank you for all you do for us all.
Almost forgot.....Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful Mom's.
Have a fabulous weekend everyone.
Love to you all, Melanie
Friday, May 4, 2012
another day
OK...I can't get a fix on how I feel to day so I thought I would just blog about it. It has been a pretty good week. They got the room almost finished painted and are supposed to be coming out tomorrow to finish painting completely. I could not sleep good at all last night. I woke up around 4 and rolled and tumbled.. One minute I was hot the next I was cold. Ya see my hormones are just crazy..Chemo threw me straight into menopause. Not the normal way..like gradually over a couple of years or so. Oh no..I am talking about in about one month!!!! Poor Glenn
When I get my treatments they hype me upon steroids so I feel like the little boy in the movie Taladaga Nights...you know when he says "I'm all jacked up on Mt. Dew" well that's me the first 24 hrs afterwards. I finally got up around 5 this morning. I did a few errands in town. Went by and picked up my grandpuppy Lula for night. We sat outside for a little while and I thought I was getting a little sleepy so we came in and tried to take a nap. Not gonna happen. Oh well maybe I will crash tonight and get a good nights sleep.
I can't decide if I feel stress, depressed...I just feel a mess!!! It's just hard to explain.
I went by myself to my treatment yesterday for the first time. I really hated anyone to have to miss work again. I promised Glenn that I didn't mind. I have a couple fellow chemonites( I just made that word up) that I always talk with. The time goes by pretty fast. The benedryle didn't knock me out as bad. Thank goodness. But it did after I got home. I let the dogs out and I layed down for just a minute until I got them back in. You can't leave the little old 18 yr old Midget out by herself long. Well the next thing I know 2 hrs had gone by and I hadn't moved a muscle!!! The dogs were still fine.
So I just finished treatment number 9!!! That means I have 7 more to go. I know this should be the downhill easy part, and a way it is. But it is also a little scary..I know that with each treatment I feel just a little worse. I can tell my arms and hands feel weaker and they feel more numb and tingly at night when I wake up. Some mornings my legs are more tired. So I have a feeling this will just worsen. I can handle it though...I am over the hump and can handle anything thrown my way.
So back to how I feel...I don't know....I am feeling some anger, along with everything else.. I think all this is normal. I know that in a few months my life will be normal once again. I don't know..maybe it will be a different normal..I don't know what normal is. I know that I will not be the same person. I have learned many things during this time. I am hoping I will be a better person.
I apologize for the grammar and spelling on my blogs...sometimes my fingers just will not do what my brain is telling them. Remember it is chemo brain..no one else has that excuse!
I hope everyone has a great weekend. I sincerely appreciate all of you. I look back and can see how many views the blogs get and I am truly amazed sometimes. Thank you for sharing my journey. It make it a little easier knowing I am certainly not a lone.
I am going to go get an attitude adjustment..It may be called food. Everyone have a safe and blessed weekend.
Love and Hugs....Mel
Shout out to my Derek----I sure do miss you!!!
When I get my treatments they hype me upon steroids so I feel like the little boy in the movie Taladaga Nights...you know when he says "I'm all jacked up on Mt. Dew" well that's me the first 24 hrs afterwards. I finally got up around 5 this morning. I did a few errands in town. Went by and picked up my grandpuppy Lula for night. We sat outside for a little while and I thought I was getting a little sleepy so we came in and tried to take a nap. Not gonna happen. Oh well maybe I will crash tonight and get a good nights sleep.
I can't decide if I feel stress, depressed...I just feel a mess!!! It's just hard to explain.
I went by myself to my treatment yesterday for the first time. I really hated anyone to have to miss work again. I promised Glenn that I didn't mind. I have a couple fellow chemonites( I just made that word up) that I always talk with. The time goes by pretty fast. The benedryle didn't knock me out as bad. Thank goodness. But it did after I got home. I let the dogs out and I layed down for just a minute until I got them back in. You can't leave the little old 18 yr old Midget out by herself long. Well the next thing I know 2 hrs had gone by and I hadn't moved a muscle!!! The dogs were still fine.
So I just finished treatment number 9!!! That means I have 7 more to go. I know this should be the downhill easy part, and a way it is. But it is also a little scary..I know that with each treatment I feel just a little worse. I can tell my arms and hands feel weaker and they feel more numb and tingly at night when I wake up. Some mornings my legs are more tired. So I have a feeling this will just worsen. I can handle it though...I am over the hump and can handle anything thrown my way.
So back to how I feel...I don't know....I am feeling some anger, along with everything else.. I think all this is normal. I know that in a few months my life will be normal once again. I don't know..maybe it will be a different normal..I don't know what normal is. I know that I will not be the same person. I have learned many things during this time. I am hoping I will be a better person.
I apologize for the grammar and spelling on my blogs...sometimes my fingers just will not do what my brain is telling them. Remember it is chemo brain..no one else has that excuse!
I hope everyone has a great weekend. I sincerely appreciate all of you. I look back and can see how many views the blogs get and I am truly amazed sometimes. Thank you for sharing my journey. It make it a little easier knowing I am certainly not a lone.
I am going to go get an attitude adjustment..It may be called food. Everyone have a safe and blessed weekend.
Love and Hugs....Mel
Shout out to my Derek----I sure do miss you!!!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
wobbling
I know I know. I am getting slack on keeping up with my blog. I'm sorry if you look and are disappointed when you don't see any new and exciting things to read about my exciting life!! I feel like everything is just on hold. I know it is not.
Ok a little funny I will share with you all. You know the chemo caused ALL my hair to come out. Since I have started on the new chemo, five weeks ago, I have noticed that the hair on my head has stated to grow some. It is a little thicker and a little longer. My doctor said it may start coming back and staying!!!!! Well when I went to take my shower the other night...guess what? I noticed I have underarm hair again!!!!!!!! I was so excited I ran to Glenn and showed him..he just laughed.
This is serious. This means that my hair is coming back and I probably will not have to be wearing a wig to Katie's wedding in October. I know you can't understand how BIG this is but believe me...from my standpoint having a cabinet full of scarves, hats, wigs...it is HUGE!!! I'll have to go buy some new razors!!!!!
I have been feeling a little down this week. I went to work for just a couple hours Wed. I walked in and I felt like I didn't belong anymore. I felt out of place. Even though I have been there for 23 years, it just felt different now that I have been out several months. I know that once I get back more regular or fulltime, things will just fall back into place. I am really looking forward to getting back to a normal life.
I am exactly half way thru chemo. I have 8 treatments left. Yes I am happy about this. I can't beleive how the first half has just flown by. I am so thankful for my family and friends helping get me thru. Without you all it would be so much harder. I love you all for this.
Everyone said that women on chemo tend to gain some weight. Well I was hoping I would lose just a few pounds, but no...... I have gained just a few. I look in the mirror and I see puffy!!! I don't want to be puffy!!!! So now with the new chemo Taxol...it makes you have some peripheral neuropathy. Your hand fell numb and tired. My legs feel like I have run a marathon and are like jello. All this is not bad. It is not hindering anything, but I can tell it is there. Some days are a little worse than others. So I am puffy and jello. Great.
Last night Katie had a little get together at her house. She and T have done alot of hard work on it and wanted some friends and family to share it. I had a pretty good day yesterday. They turned on some music we all tried to learn a couple of new dances. One was the wobble. Well..I can't wobble. I got no moves. Katie tried to teach me and I did something... I kept thinking ...I am puffy, my legs are like jello....I feel like a weeble...you know it...weebles wobble but they don't fall down!!!
Anyway we had fun and I had to get home by 9 to go to bed. This morning I feel like a weeble. I am whiny, I cried on Glenn before he left for church, I was going to try to go but then a little wave of nausea hit...my legs feel wobbly. There is no sun, there is no warmth, I have no nice new room to go too. I am having a pity party.
I'm going to get over it. I have so much to be thankful for and I never forget that. I just have to have moment sometimes. I am thankful for you all that keep up with this. It is so encouraging to hear you tell me how much you enjoy reading. I never feel alone. Thank you all so much. I love you all and am so glad to have you in my life.
I will have a better day....I will stop whining and rejoice in the day the Lord has made.
Loves and hugs...Mel
Ok a little funny I will share with you all. You know the chemo caused ALL my hair to come out. Since I have started on the new chemo, five weeks ago, I have noticed that the hair on my head has stated to grow some. It is a little thicker and a little longer. My doctor said it may start coming back and staying!!!!! Well when I went to take my shower the other night...guess what? I noticed I have underarm hair again!!!!!!!! I was so excited I ran to Glenn and showed him..he just laughed.
This is serious. This means that my hair is coming back and I probably will not have to be wearing a wig to Katie's wedding in October. I know you can't understand how BIG this is but believe me...from my standpoint having a cabinet full of scarves, hats, wigs...it is HUGE!!! I'll have to go buy some new razors!!!!!
I have been feeling a little down this week. I went to work for just a couple hours Wed. I walked in and I felt like I didn't belong anymore. I felt out of place. Even though I have been there for 23 years, it just felt different now that I have been out several months. I know that once I get back more regular or fulltime, things will just fall back into place. I am really looking forward to getting back to a normal life.
I am exactly half way thru chemo. I have 8 treatments left. Yes I am happy about this. I can't beleive how the first half has just flown by. I am so thankful for my family and friends helping get me thru. Without you all it would be so much harder. I love you all for this.
Everyone said that women on chemo tend to gain some weight. Well I was hoping I would lose just a few pounds, but no...... I have gained just a few. I look in the mirror and I see puffy!!! I don't want to be puffy!!!! So now with the new chemo Taxol...it makes you have some peripheral neuropathy. Your hand fell numb and tired. My legs feel like I have run a marathon and are like jello. All this is not bad. It is not hindering anything, but I can tell it is there. Some days are a little worse than others. So I am puffy and jello. Great.
Last night Katie had a little get together at her house. She and T have done alot of hard work on it and wanted some friends and family to share it. I had a pretty good day yesterday. They turned on some music we all tried to learn a couple of new dances. One was the wobble. Well..I can't wobble. I got no moves. Katie tried to teach me and I did something... I kept thinking ...I am puffy, my legs are like jello....I feel like a weeble...you know it...weebles wobble but they don't fall down!!!
Anyway we had fun and I had to get home by 9 to go to bed. This morning I feel like a weeble. I am whiny, I cried on Glenn before he left for church, I was going to try to go but then a little wave of nausea hit...my legs feel wobbly. There is no sun, there is no warmth, I have no nice new room to go too. I am having a pity party.
I'm going to get over it. I have so much to be thankful for and I never forget that. I just have to have moment sometimes. I am thankful for you all that keep up with this. It is so encouraging to hear you tell me how much you enjoy reading. I never feel alone. Thank you all so much. I love you all and am so glad to have you in my life.
I will have a better day....I will stop whining and rejoice in the day the Lord has made.
Loves and hugs...Mel
Monday, April 23, 2012
wild and crazy
Winnie the Pooh would say "my what a blustery day". I quite frankly am tired of blustery days and cold days and not so much rainy days yet. Reason being the builders work on our house when it is mostly raining. All the outside work is done so they can stay on the inside and dry. Their other main jobs are outside right now...so where are they today. I am getting very impatient. Everyone says builders are like this. They are doing an excellent job on our room.
Have a had a pretty good week and weekend. Went to my brother and sister n laws house Saturday night for a wild pig pickin!!! Yes a wild pig pickin. The pig was a wild pig shot and killed in Montgomery county. Allen smoked it on Saturday and we ate it. You know when you think of a wild hog being cooked whole on the big old cooker you get this image...you know.a big fat pig, with tusks, and an apple stuck neatly in it's mouth..right? That is what I expected to see when the lid was rolled back but instead there was this headless, footless lean body of a pig cooked and looking good. I believe this was first experience with wild pig. It tasted mostly like regular BBQ. Good job boys!!!
Katie and Lula went to Cullowhee to spend the weekend with Derek. They arrived safely back home yesterday. I was worried the whole time. You know how us mothers are. We never stop worrying about our children, no matter how old they are. I am really beginning to understand how my parents feel :worrying about us just like that.
For the most part I am feeling pretty good. I can tell this new patch of treatment is different from the first. I am beginning to feel my hands and arms loose energy. They feel very heavy and sometimes tingly and just a little numb. This is after only 4 treatments. I dread to see how I will be after 8 more. I just pray God will continue to be merciful and it wont get real bad.
I still am so thankful so far. I was talking with lady I know that is going thru treatments. I saw she was in a wheelchair and a cast on her lower leg. She was on the same treatments as me and her legs and feet got so numb she could not even tell which way she was standing and she tripped and broke her leg in three places! I have nothing to complain about...so far. I am sure I will be whining some if and when things should start getting worse. I will be grateful for some things but ticked off about things too. I think I am allowed.
I ordered me some new hats last week. I am beginning to think that the most aggravating part about this is having no hair. It is just a pain knowing you need to cover your head with something most of the time. Then you have to worry about it flying off your head running after it like a Little furry puppy running away! I keep thinking it is almost over but then I think no it's not I got at least five more months with no hair!! So I will continue to buy stuff I need spring and summer fashions now!!
Better get back to my laundry. Today is laundry day. Every time Glenn looks in my closet he laughs. I hang all my clothes according to color. does anyone else do that? It just makes it easy so if I want to wear a black shirt I just go to the black section and pick out the one I want. It is very simple. Maybe its OCD! It makes me happy!!!!
Have a marvelous Monday dear friends.
LOve and Hugs..Mel
Have a had a pretty good week and weekend. Went to my brother and sister n laws house Saturday night for a wild pig pickin!!! Yes a wild pig pickin. The pig was a wild pig shot and killed in Montgomery county. Allen smoked it on Saturday and we ate it. You know when you think of a wild hog being cooked whole on the big old cooker you get this image...you know.a big fat pig, with tusks, and an apple stuck neatly in it's mouth..right? That is what I expected to see when the lid was rolled back but instead there was this headless, footless lean body of a pig cooked and looking good. I believe this was first experience with wild pig. It tasted mostly like regular BBQ. Good job boys!!!
Katie and Lula went to Cullowhee to spend the weekend with Derek. They arrived safely back home yesterday. I was worried the whole time. You know how us mothers are. We never stop worrying about our children, no matter how old they are. I am really beginning to understand how my parents feel :worrying about us just like that.
For the most part I am feeling pretty good. I can tell this new patch of treatment is different from the first. I am beginning to feel my hands and arms loose energy. They feel very heavy and sometimes tingly and just a little numb. This is after only 4 treatments. I dread to see how I will be after 8 more. I just pray God will continue to be merciful and it wont get real bad.
I still am so thankful so far. I was talking with lady I know that is going thru treatments. I saw she was in a wheelchair and a cast on her lower leg. She was on the same treatments as me and her legs and feet got so numb she could not even tell which way she was standing and she tripped and broke her leg in three places! I have nothing to complain about...so far. I am sure I will be whining some if and when things should start getting worse. I will be grateful for some things but ticked off about things too. I think I am allowed.
I ordered me some new hats last week. I am beginning to think that the most aggravating part about this is having no hair. It is just a pain knowing you need to cover your head with something most of the time. Then you have to worry about it flying off your head running after it like a Little furry puppy running away! I keep thinking it is almost over but then I think no it's not I got at least five more months with no hair!! So I will continue to buy stuff I need spring and summer fashions now!!
Better get back to my laundry. Today is laundry day. Every time Glenn looks in my closet he laughs. I hang all my clothes according to color. does anyone else do that? It just makes it easy so if I want to wear a black shirt I just go to the black section and pick out the one I want. It is very simple. Maybe its OCD! It makes me happy!!!!
Have a marvelous Monday dear friends.
LOve and Hugs..Mel
Monday, April 16, 2012
chugging along
Good Monday morning. I am sorta sad. Spring break for Glenn and Katie is over. I kinda got used to Glenn being at home with me. I think I have gotten more attached to him. He is like my security blanket. WE all did have a good week together. We were at the beach last weekend with KT and Thomas. I love being with my kids. Now I know what my parents feel too...they like being with all us as well.
So lots of things going on now!!! My room is coming along. They worked all day Saturday. All the outside is finished....roof, siding... just got to finish out inside. Hopefully that will be done this week. I am so excited. My house inside is a mess. I had to move everything in my dining room and I got stuff scattered in the extra rooms...all just waiting to be put back in place and in a new home.
I am going to start me a little chicken farm. Glenn and Derek moved an old well house cover to the back yard and made it a chicken house. We will be adding a run onit for my chickens!! I only want 3-4 just enough to have some fresh eggs and to enjoy having them around, I am so glad I live in the country and have a semi farm in my back yard. There is a cow pasture in the very back. It is so nice going back there watching them graze, seeing the new calves. It reminds me of growing up on the Gaddy farm. THe best thing is I don't have to be responsible for the cows..Just enjoy them. I am a country girl. Don't worry neighbors....they won't be in your yard scratching up your garden.
I beleive I am starting to feel some of the side effects from this new chemo or either I am so paranoid I think that I am. ONe thing I am noticing is "chemo brain" it is real. I can see myself not being able to concentrate, I have a short attention span, it takes me longer to make a decision and I am having trouble finding words. I know this sounds like just age..hahaha!! But it is a little different. I can tell my arms and legs are a little weaker. I run out of steam very quickly. Good greif...I have 9 of these treatments left to go!!! What will it be like by the end!!!
OK..I am going to whine a little.... I am getting impatient with this all. It has been almost 4 months since all this started and my life and my families life changed. I am getting tired of puttin on hats, putting on a wig. Looking in the mirror and being bald, filling in my eyebrows, trying to find some lashes to dab some mascara on. Doubling on the eyeliner. lots of lipstick ( I love my lipstick anyway). I know I should not whine. So many other people have a much harder time than I am. I am thankful.
I've been out of work so long I am used to being at home...I know I have to go back... it will be good for me to get back to a normal life. I forgot what I am supposed to be doing . I don't know what normal is. It's hard to make others understand what it's like. I'm not totally debilitated, but I can't do what I normally do. So this is hard. I have to remind myself " I have a sickness, I am not well, I will get thru it, it is only temporary".
My blood counts...the main one they check is my white cell count. This one is our infection and immune cells. Mine has gotten extremly low. So I have to be extremly careful about germs. If I were to get sick with a cold or other kind of sickness, my body would have a hard time fighting it. I am getting a little anemic. My iron/hemoglobin level is dropping some each time.
So..all this temporary!!!!!!!! I can get thru this phase. THese are only detours on my track. I am still so very fortunate to only have these problems going on. I am so blessed by so many others things. I know God is watching over me and my family. I know it is hard on my family too. I try to keep up beat most of the time, and most of the time I do feel good. It is just those moments I get sad and have to find my big ole rock Glenn, and cry on his shoulder and he reminds me he is there pulling me up the track together.
I will try to get some pics of the room and my chicken coop soon. It is one of those chemo brain things I mentioned...I just have to really concentrate on how to do that.
Have a great week friends. Thank you all for your love and prayers. Melanie
So lots of things going on now!!! My room is coming along. They worked all day Saturday. All the outside is finished....roof, siding... just got to finish out inside. Hopefully that will be done this week. I am so excited. My house inside is a mess. I had to move everything in my dining room and I got stuff scattered in the extra rooms...all just waiting to be put back in place and in a new home.
I am going to start me a little chicken farm. Glenn and Derek moved an old well house cover to the back yard and made it a chicken house. We will be adding a run onit for my chickens!! I only want 3-4 just enough to have some fresh eggs and to enjoy having them around, I am so glad I live in the country and have a semi farm in my back yard. There is a cow pasture in the very back. It is so nice going back there watching them graze, seeing the new calves. It reminds me of growing up on the Gaddy farm. THe best thing is I don't have to be responsible for the cows..Just enjoy them. I am a country girl. Don't worry neighbors....they won't be in your yard scratching up your garden.
I beleive I am starting to feel some of the side effects from this new chemo or either I am so paranoid I think that I am. ONe thing I am noticing is "chemo brain" it is real. I can see myself not being able to concentrate, I have a short attention span, it takes me longer to make a decision and I am having trouble finding words. I know this sounds like just age..hahaha!! But it is a little different. I can tell my arms and legs are a little weaker. I run out of steam very quickly. Good greif...I have 9 of these treatments left to go!!! What will it be like by the end!!!
OK..I am going to whine a little.... I am getting impatient with this all. It has been almost 4 months since all this started and my life and my families life changed. I am getting tired of puttin on hats, putting on a wig. Looking in the mirror and being bald, filling in my eyebrows, trying to find some lashes to dab some mascara on. Doubling on the eyeliner. lots of lipstick ( I love my lipstick anyway). I know I should not whine. So many other people have a much harder time than I am. I am thankful.
I've been out of work so long I am used to being at home...I know I have to go back... it will be good for me to get back to a normal life. I forgot what I am supposed to be doing . I don't know what normal is. It's hard to make others understand what it's like. I'm not totally debilitated, but I can't do what I normally do. So this is hard. I have to remind myself " I have a sickness, I am not well, I will get thru it, it is only temporary".
My blood counts...the main one they check is my white cell count. This one is our infection and immune cells. Mine has gotten extremly low. So I have to be extremly careful about germs. If I were to get sick with a cold or other kind of sickness, my body would have a hard time fighting it. I am getting a little anemic. My iron/hemoglobin level is dropping some each time.
So..all this temporary!!!!!!!! I can get thru this phase. THese are only detours on my track. I am still so very fortunate to only have these problems going on. I am so blessed by so many others things. I know God is watching over me and my family. I know it is hard on my family too. I try to keep up beat most of the time, and most of the time I do feel good. It is just those moments I get sad and have to find my big ole rock Glenn, and cry on his shoulder and he reminds me he is there pulling me up the track together.
I will try to get some pics of the room and my chicken coop soon. It is one of those chemo brain things I mentioned...I just have to really concentrate on how to do that.
Have a great week friends. Thank you all for your love and prayers. Melanie
Monday, April 9, 2012
Time for a break!!!
Hello friends. I have gotten a little lazy and have not blogged like I should of. I had the awesome pleasure of seeing some of my followers yesterday at church and I didn't realize how much you look forward to reading this? I really appreciate it. I will try to do better. I got a little lazy and a little boring!!!
So today I promised I would get back to business. I just happen to be sitting in beautiful hotel room, looking out over the ocean watching the sunrise. There is nothing more beautiful. God is so good. We came to the beach for a few days. The main reason is Katie just happened to of found her wedding dress at Myrtle Beach for now we have to make a couple of trips down for her to have her fittings. Darn.
Today is one of the fitting days. We all decided to stay a few extra days just to get a way and relax. It is going to be a great few days. The only thing missing is Derek. He had Spring break last week. We miss him. But like I told Glenn....we all had to pay our dues growing up and missing out. One day he will be finished and grown and can do things on his time too. I highly suggest it.
I have been doing really good. I had two treatments on the new meds. I have 10 more. So far I have not had any problems. They tell me the side effects from this is mainly bone and joint pain, numbness in hands and feet. So far I have none. Thanks be to God!
The new room is coming a long slowly. It is a full room roof and sheet rock...they just need to come finish it!! I am getting impatient. I Have so much to do when it is finished!!!
Well...I am finding that chemo brain is a real thing. I have always been a little ditsy (like Lucy) but it is beginning to get a little more noticeable. I booked our room for this weekend. I thought I was being very careful. You see Glenn usually handles everything like this but I thought I can handle it. We get to our hotel and Glenn goes to check in., He is gone a long time.. he comes back to the car and says.."well we are staying in this section tonight and then across the road the other two nights, What???? we are supposed to be across the road all nights!! Poor Glenn...he just said the reservations were made for Monday thru Thursday instead of Sunday thru Wed. They happened to have one cancellation for Sunday night otherwise they were totally booked. Oh my goodness!! I messed up!!!!
Glenn told me later that he felt so bad to have to tell. me. He has been noticing some things that I do or say that is not me and knows that it is the chemo. This makes him sad. Sometimes we forget about this sickness. I feel so good most of the time and the only obvious sign that I am sick is that my hair is gone. We forget I have a real disease I am fighting. Fighting everyday to try to be as normal as possible. Even here at the beach I fightng with what to wear on my head.. my hat my wig..what will not go flying off in all this wind? Just hold on to whichever it is. I need a new hat so Katie and I saw a couple in the store last night. She said try it on..so I yanked off my my hat and put the other one on. She has never seen me bald. Oh no this was it. She was not prepared. I try to respect her or anyone else who just wants to remember me in a somewhat normal way. Think we will go hat shopping today.
We had a great Easter with all the fam at Sharon's house yesterday. Lots of good food. Lots of animals on the farm. It was a wonderful day...but we had to eat and run to begin our Spring break. Sometimes you just gotta be a selfish do what you want to do!!!
Have a great week everyone. I will promise to post more. I guess since I don;t have a lot going on I had little to blog about. I will do better. Thank you all for caring and letting me share this part of my life.
LOve to all!! Mel
So today I promised I would get back to business. I just happen to be sitting in beautiful hotel room, looking out over the ocean watching the sunrise. There is nothing more beautiful. God is so good. We came to the beach for a few days. The main reason is Katie just happened to of found her wedding dress at Myrtle Beach for now we have to make a couple of trips down for her to have her fittings. Darn.
Today is one of the fitting days. We all decided to stay a few extra days just to get a way and relax. It is going to be a great few days. The only thing missing is Derek. He had Spring break last week. We miss him. But like I told Glenn....we all had to pay our dues growing up and missing out. One day he will be finished and grown and can do things on his time too. I highly suggest it.
I have been doing really good. I had two treatments on the new meds. I have 10 more. So far I have not had any problems. They tell me the side effects from this is mainly bone and joint pain, numbness in hands and feet. So far I have none. Thanks be to God!
The new room is coming a long slowly. It is a full room roof and sheet rock...they just need to come finish it!! I am getting impatient. I Have so much to do when it is finished!!!
Well...I am finding that chemo brain is a real thing. I have always been a little ditsy (like Lucy) but it is beginning to get a little more noticeable. I booked our room for this weekend. I thought I was being very careful. You see Glenn usually handles everything like this but I thought I can handle it. We get to our hotel and Glenn goes to check in., He is gone a long time.. he comes back to the car and says.."well we are staying in this section tonight and then across the road the other two nights, What???? we are supposed to be across the road all nights!! Poor Glenn...he just said the reservations were made for Monday thru Thursday instead of Sunday thru Wed. They happened to have one cancellation for Sunday night otherwise they were totally booked. Oh my goodness!! I messed up!!!!
Glenn told me later that he felt so bad to have to tell. me. He has been noticing some things that I do or say that is not me and knows that it is the chemo. This makes him sad. Sometimes we forget about this sickness. I feel so good most of the time and the only obvious sign that I am sick is that my hair is gone. We forget I have a real disease I am fighting. Fighting everyday to try to be as normal as possible. Even here at the beach I fightng with what to wear on my head.. my hat my wig..what will not go flying off in all this wind? Just hold on to whichever it is. I need a new hat so Katie and I saw a couple in the store last night. She said try it on..so I yanked off my my hat and put the other one on. She has never seen me bald. Oh no this was it. She was not prepared. I try to respect her or anyone else who just wants to remember me in a somewhat normal way. Think we will go hat shopping today.
We had a great Easter with all the fam at Sharon's house yesterday. Lots of good food. Lots of animals on the farm. It was a wonderful day...but we had to eat and run to begin our Spring break. Sometimes you just gotta be a selfish do what you want to do!!!
Have a great week everyone. I will promise to post more. I guess since I don;t have a lot going on I had little to blog about. I will do better. Thank you all for caring and letting me share this part of my life.
LOve to all!! Mel
Thursday, March 29, 2012
here we go again
Today I am feeling very anxious. I go to the Cancer Center and start on a brand new regimen of chemo treatments. I have all finished with the first three months of the worst. Thank you Lord that it really wasn' that bad for me!! The next three months, I will be going once a week for the new drugs. The doctor tells me it has different side effects. I should not be as nauseated is the main one. But it does cause alot of peripheral neuropthy which means numbness, tingling pain in my hands, legs and feet. Great!!!! It has potential side effects such as allergic reactions during transfusion. Oh boy..I can hardly wait.
Hopefully it will go as well as the first three months. I think it is the unknown that I am more afraid of. Plus knowing how crappy I have felt for about 1/12 weeks after my previous treatments and I don't want to feel that way all the time with these treatments being so frequent.
Oh well I will just do what it takes. God will see me through. He has never let me down.
It has been a hard week. My son Derek lost a good friend in a single car accident Sunday afternoon. I just wanted to drive the 4 hours and go to him and his friends and help them through this. He can't talk about it to me yet..so he has texted me a bout a little. He said he needed to come home so he is coming this weekend for a few days. I just feel so sad for him and their group of friends. He helped clean out her apartment this week and is just having a real hard time. Please keep him and the Deese family in your prayers during this tragic time. It kinda makes me mad I can't just drive to see him for a few days cause I gotta go get treated!!! It is an inconvenience, this (chuck)!!!
Then my Dad is having a heart catherization done Friday morning and I can't be with him and my family. So I am having a little whining session this morning. I will get over it...I have to remember to just stop and look around at all my blessings I have right in front of me an when I do that I am so thankful and blessed. Of course Glenn sees me like this and he hands me a tissue and says all the right things and makes it all better.
So it's almost time to go....I pray it will go well. Thank you all for being with me.
LOves and hugs..Melanie
Hopefully it will go as well as the first three months. I think it is the unknown that I am more afraid of. Plus knowing how crappy I have felt for about 1/12 weeks after my previous treatments and I don't want to feel that way all the time with these treatments being so frequent.
Oh well I will just do what it takes. God will see me through. He has never let me down.
It has been a hard week. My son Derek lost a good friend in a single car accident Sunday afternoon. I just wanted to drive the 4 hours and go to him and his friends and help them through this. He can't talk about it to me yet..so he has texted me a bout a little. He said he needed to come home so he is coming this weekend for a few days. I just feel so sad for him and their group of friends. He helped clean out her apartment this week and is just having a real hard time. Please keep him and the Deese family in your prayers during this tragic time. It kinda makes me mad I can't just drive to see him for a few days cause I gotta go get treated!!! It is an inconvenience, this (chuck)!!!
Then my Dad is having a heart catherization done Friday morning and I can't be with him and my family. So I am having a little whining session this morning. I will get over it...I have to remember to just stop and look around at all my blessings I have right in front of me an when I do that I am so thankful and blessed. Of course Glenn sees me like this and he hands me a tissue and says all the right things and makes it all better.
So it's almost time to go....I pray it will go well. Thank you all for being with me.
LOves and hugs..Melanie
Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Monday, March 26, 2012
Marvelous Monday
Good Monday morning all!!! What a beautiful morning!!! I'm being a little lazy today. I usually get up and have coffee with Glenn before he goes to work, but today I didn't, my bed felt too good!!! I am still in bed....but awake, having coffee, watching a little FNC. I wondered, what I am going to do today. I got no place to be or anywhere to go today. Kinda nice!!
I had a very good weekend. Glenn took me out to eat at Something Different Saturday night. If you've never been there and like Greek food..I highly recommend it. I went to church yesterday and that was great. It was so good to be back to worship with my church family and feel the love of them.
Then later we went to Mt Gilead, back home, for some of Momma's good cooking with the family. It was really good to be back with my family. I think that was the first time I didn't get up and help clean up and wash dishes!! I just sat there and talked. Did I play the "sick" card? I didn't really mean to. Oh well I am sure there will be plenty of other times to make up for it. I love being with my family.
So I'm thinking about what I need to accomplish today...I just take one day at a time. My sunroom is coming along..They worked yesterday and got the windows put in. It should be almost finished this week. Pictures coming!! I think one day I will go to Greensboro and buy me some Spring/ Summer headgear. I have plenty of winter hats to wear but I need some warm weather fashions. I really do get tired of wearing my furry friend wigs. I like my hats..they are so comfy. I need at least one with a chin strap so when I am at the beach or outside in the wind it won't go flying off my head!!
Last week a good friend treated me with a motorcycle ride. Now keep in mind I have not been on a motorcycle in probably 20 years. I was a little nervous. What do I wear on my head? Do I wear a wig? A hat? a scarf? I don't know??? So I put my jeans, tennis shoes a long sleeve shirt and a bandanna doo rag thing on..ok I looked motorcyclish!!!
I heard him coming down the road...boy that thing is loud. Ok I get my helmet on..all is well so far. I get on..ok...I hold on. We get going down the road pretty pretty and good and my head is just bobbing all around..good grief..is my neck muscles this weak that I can't hold my head up right? The wind is just in my helmet and I can't take this. I almost signaled to my driver to stop and take me home then all of a sudden SNAP!!! my face shield came crashing down!!!! Oh that was much better!!!!! Why didn't someone tell me it was supposed to be down. No more head bobbing!!! I had a great ride. Thank you Greg for a great outing!!
Ok I have a new treatment on Thursday..so that means I need to get a lot done before then. I don't know how it is going to make me feel so I try to get ready best I can in case I feel bad. Hopefully it will not be any worse than the previous treatments. So this will start new treatments every week for three months. That sounds like a long time... I think of it as half way there. Still going on the tracks and going strong...we are getting closer to the end!!! This is just another detour along the way. My little engine that could is still going strong and pulling me along!!
Have a great week and God Bless you all.
Loves and hugs...Melanie
I had a very good weekend. Glenn took me out to eat at Something Different Saturday night. If you've never been there and like Greek food..I highly recommend it. I went to church yesterday and that was great. It was so good to be back to worship with my church family and feel the love of them.
Then later we went to Mt Gilead, back home, for some of Momma's good cooking with the family. It was really good to be back with my family. I think that was the first time I didn't get up and help clean up and wash dishes!! I just sat there and talked. Did I play the "sick" card? I didn't really mean to. Oh well I am sure there will be plenty of other times to make up for it. I love being with my family.
So I'm thinking about what I need to accomplish today...I just take one day at a time. My sunroom is coming along..They worked yesterday and got the windows put in. It should be almost finished this week. Pictures coming!! I think one day I will go to Greensboro and buy me some Spring/ Summer headgear. I have plenty of winter hats to wear but I need some warm weather fashions. I really do get tired of wearing my furry friend wigs. I like my hats..they are so comfy. I need at least one with a chin strap so when I am at the beach or outside in the wind it won't go flying off my head!!
Last week a good friend treated me with a motorcycle ride. Now keep in mind I have not been on a motorcycle in probably 20 years. I was a little nervous. What do I wear on my head? Do I wear a wig? A hat? a scarf? I don't know??? So I put my jeans, tennis shoes a long sleeve shirt and a bandanna doo rag thing on..ok I looked motorcyclish!!!
I heard him coming down the road...boy that thing is loud. Ok I get my helmet on..all is well so far. I get on..ok...I hold on. We get going down the road pretty pretty and good and my head is just bobbing all around..good grief..is my neck muscles this weak that I can't hold my head up right? The wind is just in my helmet and I can't take this. I almost signaled to my driver to stop and take me home then all of a sudden SNAP!!! my face shield came crashing down!!!! Oh that was much better!!!!! Why didn't someone tell me it was supposed to be down. No more head bobbing!!! I had a great ride. Thank you Greg for a great outing!!
Ok I have a new treatment on Thursday..so that means I need to get a lot done before then. I don't know how it is going to make me feel so I try to get ready best I can in case I feel bad. Hopefully it will not be any worse than the previous treatments. So this will start new treatments every week for three months. That sounds like a long time... I think of it as half way there. Still going on the tracks and going strong...we are getting closer to the end!!! This is just another detour along the way. My little engine that could is still going strong and pulling me along!!
Have a great week and God Bless you all.
Loves and hugs...Melanie
Friday, March 23, 2012
just trust
Yay!!!! It's finally Friday.....you know the song. I do love Fridays too. It has been an uneventful week. This both good and not so good. Everything with me has been good. I have been feeling good, finally got some good energy back and I have been doing a little yard work.
The bad part is..no workers on our new room this week. They told me it would be a few days before they could get back..I am getting so impatient!!! I feel like I can't do anything in the house until its done. I guess I still need to try...the pollen is really building up!!!
So today I find myself wondering where or what my role in this cancer (chuck) thing is going. It has been almost 3 1/2 months since those life changing words were said to me. Really!! It has been that long? Many things have changed since then. I took a leave from work, my family has become closer, once again through tragedy, nothing is the same!!
Sure we all go about our daily lives as usual...but the fear of what I am going through is not far for us all. The constant reminder for me is when I look in the mirror. So now I know I have no hair...the fury friends are fast becoming my best friends. I am getting more used to them....just pull on and go!!!
I am finding that it is taking more time to put my make up on now. My eyebrows are getting very thin so I am trying to learn to use an eyebrow pencil and pencil some on! Not too bad. I have hardly any eye lashes..so forget the mascara. I am using twice as much eye liner now. When ya do it just right..it doesn't look half bad!
The other night I went to a dinner and beef butchering demo..yes that's what I said. A girl sitting behind me said to me.." I love your hair...it is such a cute hair style" I just smiled and said thank you. She had no idea!
Through this all I am overjoyed almost daily by the good people out there who continue to show love and concern for me. The past two Sundays Glenn has brought home meals prepared by friends from church that are cooked and prepared meals for us to stick in the freezer or have fresh for all week. WOW!!! Thank you. Almost everyday I go to the mailbox and have at least 1-2 cards. I get cards from church, friends, family and occasionally from people I have never met! Yes!! I know where the connection is though. How nice this is.. When I read these I am always very touched and feel so blessed. I even have gotten a couple cards from patients I know at work.
To me this is all so special......these people are taking a few minutes of their time to let me know they are thinking of me! This is huge. I cannot say how much joy and love this brings me.
All these leads to me to wonder.."what is my role in all this"? I feel like I should be doing something back. I want to send everyone a thank-you card that sends me a card... I know usually some people undergoing somethings such as I am, find something from it and use it and change something or make something happen...I just haven't figured out what that something is for me. Maybe it is nothing. Maybe it is just me blogging and trying to be inspirational for others and for myself...just to get thru this. I don't know. I do know my life is being molded and changed by God's hands somehow thru all of you.
So the first three months of chemo are done. Next Thursday starts my new treatment of going for treatments once a week for another 3 months. I pray that the new treatments treat me as good as the last once did. I am a little worried..I don't know what to expect yet. I know God and my friends and family will get me through this too.
Again God's timing is perfect. I get to be home and enjoy Spring springing which really perks me up. I am so thankful for this. I am so thankful my workplace is working with me and I am able to be home during all this time.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone.
Loves and hugs...Mel
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.” (~ KJV Ad
The bad part is..no workers on our new room this week. They told me it would be a few days before they could get back..I am getting so impatient!!! I feel like I can't do anything in the house until its done. I guess I still need to try...the pollen is really building up!!!
So today I find myself wondering where or what my role in this cancer (chuck) thing is going. It has been almost 3 1/2 months since those life changing words were said to me. Really!! It has been that long? Many things have changed since then. I took a leave from work, my family has become closer, once again through tragedy, nothing is the same!!
Sure we all go about our daily lives as usual...but the fear of what I am going through is not far for us all. The constant reminder for me is when I look in the mirror. So now I know I have no hair...the fury friends are fast becoming my best friends. I am getting more used to them....just pull on and go!!!
I am finding that it is taking more time to put my make up on now. My eyebrows are getting very thin so I am trying to learn to use an eyebrow pencil and pencil some on! Not too bad. I have hardly any eye lashes..so forget the mascara. I am using twice as much eye liner now. When ya do it just right..it doesn't look half bad!
The other night I went to a dinner and beef butchering demo..yes that's what I said. A girl sitting behind me said to me.." I love your hair...it is such a cute hair style" I just smiled and said thank you. She had no idea!
Through this all I am overjoyed almost daily by the good people out there who continue to show love and concern for me. The past two Sundays Glenn has brought home meals prepared by friends from church that are cooked and prepared meals for us to stick in the freezer or have fresh for all week. WOW!!! Thank you. Almost everyday I go to the mailbox and have at least 1-2 cards. I get cards from church, friends, family and occasionally from people I have never met! Yes!! I know where the connection is though. How nice this is.. When I read these I am always very touched and feel so blessed. I even have gotten a couple cards from patients I know at work.
To me this is all so special......these people are taking a few minutes of their time to let me know they are thinking of me! This is huge. I cannot say how much joy and love this brings me.
All these leads to me to wonder.."what is my role in all this"? I feel like I should be doing something back. I want to send everyone a thank-you card that sends me a card... I know usually some people undergoing somethings such as I am, find something from it and use it and change something or make something happen...I just haven't figured out what that something is for me. Maybe it is nothing. Maybe it is just me blogging and trying to be inspirational for others and for myself...just to get thru this. I don't know. I do know my life is being molded and changed by God's hands somehow thru all of you.
So the first three months of chemo are done. Next Thursday starts my new treatment of going for treatments once a week for another 3 months. I pray that the new treatments treat me as good as the last once did. I am a little worried..I don't know what to expect yet. I know God and my friends and family will get me through this too.
Again God's timing is perfect. I get to be home and enjoy Spring springing which really perks me up. I am so thankful for this. I am so thankful my workplace is working with me and I am able to be home during all this time.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone.
Loves and hugs...Mel
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.” (~ KJV Ad
Monday, March 19, 2012
all in a days work
The weekend of over and it's Monday. I know I feel about it differently now that I am not going into work. Those of you who do have to job to go to..I know Monday's are rough...the weekend was great...it's time to go back to the old grind. WE all live for the weekend. This is the time to relax , have fun and be with people you like. Even though I am home everyday...I still look forward to the weekend. I get lonely at home everyday. I look forward to Glenn being at home, family coming over or us going somewhere to be with them. It's just different on the weekend.
Saturday, KT and I did one of our favorite things..went junkin. For those of you who are not familiar . .with this term..it simply means..going to somebody's junkyard, or store or barn and finding treasures!! Let me tell you how this is done. You have to have the right gear. For Saturday it was KT in her Hunter boots, had her shorts on cause it was fairly warm, a pair of work gloves, a tape measure and bottle of water.
We went to Cline's Antiques in Mt. Pleasant. Mr Cline is a crusty of soul with a long beard and no negotiation skills. There are at least 4 acres of stuff scattered through out the place. There are trailers full of old chairs and tables, barns full of cribs, dressors tables. chairs, dressers...I mean stacks of everything from long ago. You have to be brave and you have to know what you are looking for to do this. As I walked by one stack of dressers, something hissed at me. I move on quickly.
I did't find what I was looking for. I did find an old wheelbarrow with the metal front wheel, but when I ask old Mr Cline how much he just said, not for sale we use it somettime. Really!! Katie found some old galvenized buckets to use as planters. So it was a good day.
My new room is coming a long nicely. The pictures I have posted on here were all taken in one day. This is what they did all in a days work!!
Have a great week. LOves and hugs. Mel
Saturday, KT and I did one of our favorite things..went junkin. For those of you who are not familiar . .with this term..it simply means..going to somebody's junkyard, or store or barn and finding treasures!! Let me tell you how this is done. You have to have the right gear. For Saturday it was KT in her Hunter boots, had her shorts on cause it was fairly warm, a pair of work gloves, a tape measure and bottle of water.
We went to Cline's Antiques in Mt. Pleasant. Mr Cline is a crusty of soul with a long beard and no negotiation skills. There are at least 4 acres of stuff scattered through out the place. There are trailers full of old chairs and tables, barns full of cribs, dressors tables. chairs, dressers...I mean stacks of everything from long ago. You have to be brave and you have to know what you are looking for to do this. As I walked by one stack of dressers, something hissed at me. I move on quickly.
I did't find what I was looking for. I did find an old wheelbarrow with the metal front wheel, but when I ask old Mr Cline how much he just said, not for sale we use it somettime. Really!! Katie found some old galvenized buckets to use as planters. So it was a good day.
My new room is coming a long nicely. The pictures I have posted on here were all taken in one day. This is what they did all in a days work!!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
its my day!!!!
Well today is my birthday!!!! What a marvelous day!!!! I got up feeling real good this morning. I had my coffee and actually really enjoyed for the first time in about a week. I had lots of things to do today. Did I mention it was my birthday? Oh yes..I did..how silly of me.
Well I am 49 years young. Does this age worry me? Absolutely not!!! I have always felt pretty good. Another year older is a blessing not a wearisome thing. I look around me at my family and all the blessings I have and I am the happiest I have felt in while. People lose their lives at young ages. I thank the good Lord everyday for my life and the kind of life that I have.
As a kid you think 30 is old. When you get thirty you still think you are young, but then sadly you look in the mirror and wonder in horror who is that person staring back? Right now in my life I am wondering the same.; not because of my age but I feel like someone took the real me and took her away for while and I am missing in action. I read just recently that someone described it as waiting to see themselves on the milk carton for missing people. I t is real hard to explain. It is not only the physical appearance that is changed or missing ....it is just part of who I am. I feel like I am just waiting around for something to happen. I don't know what I am waiting on. Somedays I still don't know what I am supposed to feel like, so I just plan on feeling a certain way and see if it matters.
So today I plan on feeling wonderful and looking wonderful..it is my birthday ya know. First thing this morning I went to the beauty shop for a wig trim. I am still unsatisfied with my furry friend hair so that I decided to try to have them trimmed to a little more of my liking. I had my dark one...trimmed pretty short. I love it!!! I had my blond trimmed shorter so that it is more like me....I need to be fun and playful!! I Love them both better now. One day I can be blond, one day brunette..one day bald..hahaha!!!
I got back home and the guys are here working on my sun room!!!!! They got a wall up and part of the roof gone!!! WOW they work fast. I am sitting outside under the tree watching. It fascinates me to see how things are built. We have a great group of Hispanic guys. They are very hard workers and very professional.
Tonight I wanted pizza with the fam and brownies with hot fudge and ice cream. What a spectacular birthday I am having today.... OMG..I heard a crash...the neighbors are having trees cut down!!!! Lots of excitement here today!!!! I am so excited I could burst!!!!!!!!
Loves and hugs...Mel
Well I am 49 years young. Does this age worry me? Absolutely not!!! I have always felt pretty good. Another year older is a blessing not a wearisome thing. I look around me at my family and all the blessings I have and I am the happiest I have felt in while. People lose their lives at young ages. I thank the good Lord everyday for my life and the kind of life that I have.
As a kid you think 30 is old. When you get thirty you still think you are young, but then sadly you look in the mirror and wonder in horror who is that person staring back? Right now in my life I am wondering the same.; not because of my age but I feel like someone took the real me and took her away for while and I am missing in action. I read just recently that someone described it as waiting to see themselves on the milk carton for missing people. I t is real hard to explain. It is not only the physical appearance that is changed or missing ....it is just part of who I am. I feel like I am just waiting around for something to happen. I don't know what I am waiting on. Somedays I still don't know what I am supposed to feel like, so I just plan on feeling a certain way and see if it matters.
So today I plan on feeling wonderful and looking wonderful..it is my birthday ya know. First thing this morning I went to the beauty shop for a wig trim. I am still unsatisfied with my furry friend hair so that I decided to try to have them trimmed to a little more of my liking. I had my dark one...trimmed pretty short. I love it!!! I had my blond trimmed shorter so that it is more like me....I need to be fun and playful!! I Love them both better now. One day I can be blond, one day brunette..one day bald..hahaha!!!
I got back home and the guys are here working on my sun room!!!!! They got a wall up and part of the roof gone!!! WOW they work fast. I am sitting outside under the tree watching. It fascinates me to see how things are built. We have a great group of Hispanic guys. They are very hard workers and very professional.
Tonight I wanted pizza with the fam and brownies with hot fudge and ice cream. What a spectacular birthday I am having today.... OMG..I heard a crash...the neighbors are having trees cut down!!!! Lots of excitement here today!!!! I am so excited I could burst!!!!!!!!
Loves and hugs...Mel
Monday, March 12, 2012
Little bored
I am realizing that I am bored and boring. After the last two treatments I just have felt crappy for a few days afterwards. What do I expect? I have to be reminded of what's going on every so often. I am tired, I don't want much to eat. I have to take my nausea pills every four hours. I keep my large cup of Raspberry Lemonade Crystal light on hand. I have my blankie and little 18 yr old Midget with me. This is my posse for the last several months. Abby just kinda does her own thing and sits beside me on the floor most of the time.
I had to pity party last night. First one in a while. It's just hard to explain. I don't feel sick all the time..I just feel ....crappy...that is the only word I know to describe. I feel like being up, I can do little chores in the house then I need a nap. I think I need to eat so I do and feel a little better... I gotta feed the beast. Speaking of that..we had wonderful meals provided for us this weekend by neighbors and church family. What nice things to do for us. I have always had a a little trouble with taking help. I try to always be the one to do the helping. So now I am learning that it is ok to be on the receiving end. I think people need to be needed. Thank you all very much.
I am getting very impatient. It is getting to be Spring and I am normally up and doing everything I can. Inside the house and outside. No energy right now, but I know in a couple days that will get better. Glenn reminds we got nowhere to be or go..It's ok this is only temporary.
I am getting so tired of sitting in the house. I love FOX and Friends but now I am getting enough of them!!! I feel like I am boring to Glenn..he just says he is fine and he loves me and I am never boring. What a great husband. We did go outside a little while yesterday afternoon. He brought home some bird feed and filled up the feeders for me. He knows how much I love to watch the birds.
So this morning I feel some better. I see hope in the Sun, the birds, the warmer temperatures, the supplies coming in for my new sun room. I always know things are better than I see them at times. I am just getting tired of this interruption in my life. I really miss my normal life. So many things I
took for granted that were normal..are not anymore.
I have so much to still be thankful for though. I never forget that. MY problems are so small compared to others that I see when I really look around. So today I am going to try to get up off my comfy couch and enjoy the day God has made for me.
Have an great day! Mel
Thessalonians 5:16 Be joyful always;
I had to pity party last night. First one in a while. It's just hard to explain. I don't feel sick all the time..I just feel ....crappy...that is the only word I know to describe. I feel like being up, I can do little chores in the house then I need a nap. I think I need to eat so I do and feel a little better... I gotta feed the beast. Speaking of that..we had wonderful meals provided for us this weekend by neighbors and church family. What nice things to do for us. I have always had a a little trouble with taking help. I try to always be the one to do the helping. So now I am learning that it is ok to be on the receiving end. I think people need to be needed. Thank you all very much.
I am getting very impatient. It is getting to be Spring and I am normally up and doing everything I can. Inside the house and outside. No energy right now, but I know in a couple days that will get better. Glenn reminds we got nowhere to be or go..It's ok this is only temporary.
I am getting so tired of sitting in the house. I love FOX and Friends but now I am getting enough of them!!! I feel like I am boring to Glenn..he just says he is fine and he loves me and I am never boring. What a great husband. We did go outside a little while yesterday afternoon. He brought home some bird feed and filled up the feeders for me. He knows how much I love to watch the birds.
So this morning I feel some better. I see hope in the Sun, the birds, the warmer temperatures, the supplies coming in for my new sun room. I always know things are better than I see them at times. I am just getting tired of this interruption in my life. I really miss my normal life. So many things I
took for granted that were normal..are not anymore.
I have so much to still be thankful for though. I never forget that. MY problems are so small compared to others that I see when I really look around. So today I am going to try to get up off my comfy couch and enjoy the day God has made for me.
Have an great day! Mel
Thessalonians 5:16 Be joyful always;
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Milestone reached
Just got home from the cancer center getting my last treatment for now!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!!!! I need cake!!!! Chocolate with chocolate icing!!!!! Katie was my support for this milestone today. Right now I am feeling good. One of the drugs always gives me a headache. I need a nap desperately but thought I would write to all my followers first.
Speaking of followers, you guys that read this, you have no idea that me knowing that you are following is such good medicine for me. I don't write for pity or attention. It does me good to share what I am going through. Maybe it will give someone, that may experience cancer first hand someday, hope that it doesn't have to be really bad and detrimental. If you have a great support system, which I do, you can get through anything and everything. I thank all of you for being there for me. Your comments, words of kindness, hope, support, prayers all of it makes my heart feel so good. It makes me smile. I have great friends that have offered to provide meals for us. God bless you all. I especially couldn't do it without my family, we hold each other up and fall apart together when needed, but we always get back up...stronger.
So today was a turning point. The last three months of chemo every 3 weeks has come and gone. WOW!!! Time flies. This is a good thing. I am so thankful I did not have alot of sickness and side effects. I was expecting the worse and it never came. The last treatment was the worst and it took me a bout one and half weeks to fully get back on my feet. This one will probably be a bout the same. I can handle this.
I get a three week break then I start round two of chemo. That one will not be quite as strong, side effects are different. Treatments will be once a week for three months. OK I can handle this too. Still can't work yet at my regular job, but I have been reassured my job will be waiting on me when I can get back. Thank you WOFP!!
Okay, it's time for my nap. Katie and Lula are here (Lula is my grandpuppy) Katie is such a wonderful child. She was with me today and we worked on wedding stuff and just kept each other company. She likes to come back home with me for the afternoon to make sure I am OK. She's pulling weeds right now.
Today I have many things to be thankful for, I am truly blessed.
Loves and hugs....Mel
Speaking of followers, you guys that read this, you have no idea that me knowing that you are following is such good medicine for me. I don't write for pity or attention. It does me good to share what I am going through. Maybe it will give someone, that may experience cancer first hand someday, hope that it doesn't have to be really bad and detrimental. If you have a great support system, which I do, you can get through anything and everything. I thank all of you for being there for me. Your comments, words of kindness, hope, support, prayers all of it makes my heart feel so good. It makes me smile. I have great friends that have offered to provide meals for us. God bless you all. I especially couldn't do it without my family, we hold each other up and fall apart together when needed, but we always get back up...stronger.
So today was a turning point. The last three months of chemo every 3 weeks has come and gone. WOW!!! Time flies. This is a good thing. I am so thankful I did not have alot of sickness and side effects. I was expecting the worse and it never came. The last treatment was the worst and it took me a bout one and half weeks to fully get back on my feet. This one will probably be a bout the same. I can handle this.
I get a three week break then I start round two of chemo. That one will not be quite as strong, side effects are different. Treatments will be once a week for three months. OK I can handle this too. Still can't work yet at my regular job, but I have been reassured my job will be waiting on me when I can get back. Thank you WOFP!!
Okay, it's time for my nap. Katie and Lula are here (Lula is my grandpuppy) Katie is such a wonderful child. She was with me today and we worked on wedding stuff and just kept each other company. She likes to come back home with me for the afternoon to make sure I am OK. She's pulling weeds right now.
Today I have many things to be thankful for, I am truly blessed.
Luke 6:38 ESV
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”Loves and hugs....Mel
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
what just happend ?
Good morning all. Not much to post about me today, so I will take you on a little adventure my family had this past weekend. You will probably laugh, that's what we ended up doing!!!
My Mom and Dad, Katie , me and Glenn planned a trip to Maggie Valley to meet Derek for the weekend. If you aren't aware, Derek is in college at WCU! A little background....Derek is my drama child. If it can be lost, broke or something bad happen, he will be the one to do it. Cell phones, cameras..car trouble...on and on.
So we get to Maggie Valley Friday night. We can't sleep very good because of the tornado warnings going on. Glenn made us sleep in clothes that we can run to the basement in, in case we have to make a mad dash when the tornado hits. That was a fun night.
All was ok during the night. Saturday morning Derek calls, he is supposed to be coming over to the house we are staying in, he tells us he lost his keys running in the storm to a safe place Friday night! Oh my stars!!!! The saga of Derek begins. We go pick him up in Cullowhee.... then later we have to take him to work. Basically uneventful the rest of the day.
We wake up Sunday morning with snow coming down...are you kidding me? Snow really? We got to get home. Only flurries so all was OK. We are in my parents car so now we have six people to fit in a five passenger car. So four of us cram into the back seat to take Derek back home to figure out how he is going to get another key made. Of course me being the Momma, I just want to help him as much as possible, but I know he needs to take responsibility. So after him figuring out the Honda dealership can make a key but they have to have the car...what? So now he has to have it towed to Asheville. So still searching options he finds a mobile key maker to come out. yay!! what a refief. Glenn says...it ain't over yet. Glenn handles it all so patiently and is able to guide Derek to what he needs to take care of.
So we walk up 3 flights of stairs to his apartment so Mom and Daddy can see where he lives. As we are sitting there for just a minute..Daddy says.." we need to get to Asheville, my back is hurting". This is his symptom he had with his last two heart attacks.
So we jump in the car and head back to Sylva which has a small rural hospital. He ends up being admitted. We get to stay an extra night! Thank God, all his tests were normal and it was not a heart attack but something was going on. Daddy was in rare form the whole time..really himself but on over drive, when the nurse was trying to discharge him he kept talking junk and wasting time. Me and Mom finally told him to be quiet so we can get out of there!
Back to Derek.. Monday morning..the mobile guy came out and for some reason he could not make a key. So he ends up having to have it towed. Of course this is going to be a very expensive key!!! Derek was able to ride with the tow truck to Asheville, we think all is well now..wrong!! Finally at about 4 o'clock Daddy got his stress test results and they said get out of here and go home and see your doctor!!!! Finally going home. About that time I got a text from Derek...disbelief....it said. "I got here and the key machine crashed...my friend is coming to get me and they will work on the car hopefully Tues." Are you kiding me? This is unreal...why can't something just be easy for that child? At this point I am beyond exasperated and exhausted by it all. We told him good luck, I hate it, here's your money.... but we are going home!!!
We thank God Daddy was not in serious health and was able to get home. I do not recommend stopping at that hospital for anything! Now my sister and brother and I are in deep discussion of who's turn it is to take over getting Mom and Daddy to his doctors now and making sure they get there. I had my turn this weekend!! ( just kidding Momma and Daddy).
After turning into hysterical laughter, Katie and I felt we needed a couple of bottles of wine for the road, sedatives for Momma and Daddy and a medal for Glenn!!!
Now if we can get Derek taken care of...all is well! He is causing me hair loss!!!!
Have a great week everyone!
Loves and hugs..Mel
My Mom and Dad, Katie , me and Glenn planned a trip to Maggie Valley to meet Derek for the weekend. If you aren't aware, Derek is in college at WCU! A little background....Derek is my drama child. If it can be lost, broke or something bad happen, he will be the one to do it. Cell phones, cameras..car trouble...on and on.
So we get to Maggie Valley Friday night. We can't sleep very good because of the tornado warnings going on. Glenn made us sleep in clothes that we can run to the basement in, in case we have to make a mad dash when the tornado hits. That was a fun night.
All was ok during the night. Saturday morning Derek calls, he is supposed to be coming over to the house we are staying in, he tells us he lost his keys running in the storm to a safe place Friday night! Oh my stars!!!! The saga of Derek begins. We go pick him up in Cullowhee.... then later we have to take him to work. Basically uneventful the rest of the day.
We wake up Sunday morning with snow coming down...are you kidding me? Snow really? We got to get home. Only flurries so all was OK. We are in my parents car so now we have six people to fit in a five passenger car. So four of us cram into the back seat to take Derek back home to figure out how he is going to get another key made. Of course me being the Momma, I just want to help him as much as possible, but I know he needs to take responsibility. So after him figuring out the Honda dealership can make a key but they have to have the car...what? So now he has to have it towed to Asheville. So still searching options he finds a mobile key maker to come out. yay!! what a refief. Glenn says...it ain't over yet. Glenn handles it all so patiently and is able to guide Derek to what he needs to take care of.
So we walk up 3 flights of stairs to his apartment so Mom and Daddy can see where he lives. As we are sitting there for just a minute..Daddy says.." we need to get to Asheville, my back is hurting". This is his symptom he had with his last two heart attacks.
So we jump in the car and head back to Sylva which has a small rural hospital. He ends up being admitted. We get to stay an extra night! Thank God, all his tests were normal and it was not a heart attack but something was going on. Daddy was in rare form the whole time..really himself but on over drive, when the nurse was trying to discharge him he kept talking junk and wasting time. Me and Mom finally told him to be quiet so we can get out of there!
Back to Derek.. Monday morning..the mobile guy came out and for some reason he could not make a key. So he ends up having to have it towed. Of course this is going to be a very expensive key!!! Derek was able to ride with the tow truck to Asheville, we think all is well now..wrong!! Finally at about 4 o'clock Daddy got his stress test results and they said get out of here and go home and see your doctor!!!! Finally going home. About that time I got a text from Derek...disbelief....it said. "I got here and the key machine crashed...my friend is coming to get me and they will work on the car hopefully Tues." Are you kiding me? This is unreal...why can't something just be easy for that child? At this point I am beyond exasperated and exhausted by it all. We told him good luck, I hate it, here's your money.... but we are going home!!!
We thank God Daddy was not in serious health and was able to get home. I do not recommend stopping at that hospital for anything! Now my sister and brother and I are in deep discussion of who's turn it is to take over getting Mom and Daddy to his doctors now and making sure they get there. I had my turn this weekend!! ( just kidding Momma and Daddy).
After turning into hysterical laughter, Katie and I felt we needed a couple of bottles of wine for the road, sedatives for Momma and Daddy and a medal for Glenn!!!
Now if we can get Derek taken care of...all is well! He is causing me hair loss!!!!
Have a great week everyone!
Loves and hugs..Mel
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Good Day
I will try to show you the progress on the new room. Key word here to try. What a beautiful day!! I woke up early and am feeling great! I put my workout clothes on did my workout routine, then took Abbey for a mile walk. First time I have done that in weeks. Of course it took me twice as long to walk a mile 30min instead of 15, but at least I did it. Abbey loved it. I think her personality has changed since I have been home "sick" the past two months. She hardly leaves my side and seems depressed. Maybe she has seasonal depression. Maybe she will get Spring fever!
I'm excited about this weekend..going to Cullowhee to see Derek!! Probably bake him some cookies.
Everyone have a great weekend and God Bless you all!!! Below are the biggining pictures
I'm excited about this weekend..going to Cullowhee to see Derek!! Probably bake him some cookies.
Everyone have a great weekend and God Bless you all!!! Below are the biggining pictures
Monday, February 27, 2012
Little Engine that Could
Good morning followers and friends, I have much to share with you today.
So "chuck" has began to prove how ugly it is last week After my last treatment things got ugly. After a few days of ugliness I did began to feel better. I am assuming that is supposed to happen. After all, my body is being intoxicated with killer medicine to fight chuck. Excitement at my house!! We were blessed to get our house refinanced several months ago before chuck struck...so now we are finally able to build a sunroom we have been wanting for a while. The guys showed up early this morning with shovels, sand, picks, hammers, bobcat etc. Right now they are tearing off the old decking. I will be supplying them cold drinks and snacks.. They are a super hardworking group of guys. I will keep you posted with the progress and will show you pictures. I know your excited!!!
I have had a few reality check moments this weekend. You know I have no hair on my head now except just a little bit of nubbiness scattered. I wish it would come on out. I haven't shaved my legs in several weeks because they were so silky soft and I thought all my leg hair had fallen out. Well I just happend to be looking at them the other day and there is hair there!!!!! The silkiness I was feeling was long soft hairy legs!!!! yikes!!!!!! I do have to get my razor backout after all!!
I mostly always wear something on my head even in the house. I am not so comfortable going natural all the time. I do get tired of something on my head all the time.. do I wear my wig or do I wear a hat? Do I want to look frail or do I want to look normal? These are the questions I come to you for! So I find myself doing both. I dont care if I have a hat on and people give me quick glance so as not to make eye contact. I know that "Oh I am so sorry for you look". Or that that" I know I should speak to you because I have known you for years, but I don't know what to say..so I will just go the other way" thought also. It's OK. I have done the same things. It's just a weird situation.
Glenn and I had a sweet little talk last night. This whole thing has changed our lives. It has changed how I think I feel. I mean..this is so hard to explain. I know I am kinda frail..but do I act like it and not do things that I think I could do? Like pick up some limbs in the yard? Do I go full force at it like I am good or do I act frail and stay inside like a sick person. I never have total good days, I cannot tell you the last time my head and stomach felt totally normal. I have accepted that this is the way it is going to be for a while and I just do the best I can. If I want to take a couple extra naps I do. If I want to go walk around the Antique Mall a while. I will. I just do what ever I feel like at the time.
Yes this does change your realtionship with your spouse. There are so many emotions and feelings about things couples do and their relationship. Last night Glenn and I were talking about our relationship and how I feel like I am not being a good wife. That I feel defective inside and out. This is hard on us people!! But he still kisses my bald head everyday. He can't read my blogs yet. It makes him too sad. But he listens to everything and knows every feeling I have. He sees me first hand and knows what to do.
This is what my sweet Glennie Poo told me....he said "I cannot think about all the things that are going on with you, I am not in denial because I am here for you, listen to you, help you and I know you are going thru a bad time, but we are on a train track..there are several stops along the way. I am the conducter and I keep us going on it. Some are bad and some are good. At the end of this track is a wonderful life ...this bad part will be over....that is our destination. Think of me as your little Engine that Could....I will pull you through all of this." He is my hero.
Thank you Lord for my wonderful husband you placed in my life, and thank you for my wonderful life I have right now. Amen.
Loves and hugs Mel
So "chuck" has began to prove how ugly it is last week After my last treatment things got ugly. After a few days of ugliness I did began to feel better. I am assuming that is supposed to happen. After all, my body is being intoxicated with killer medicine to fight chuck. Excitement at my house!! We were blessed to get our house refinanced several months ago before chuck struck...so now we are finally able to build a sunroom we have been wanting for a while. The guys showed up early this morning with shovels, sand, picks, hammers, bobcat etc. Right now they are tearing off the old decking. I will be supplying them cold drinks and snacks.. They are a super hardworking group of guys. I will keep you posted with the progress and will show you pictures. I know your excited!!!
I have had a few reality check moments this weekend. You know I have no hair on my head now except just a little bit of nubbiness scattered. I wish it would come on out. I haven't shaved my legs in several weeks because they were so silky soft and I thought all my leg hair had fallen out. Well I just happend to be looking at them the other day and there is hair there!!!!! The silkiness I was feeling was long soft hairy legs!!!! yikes!!!!!! I do have to get my razor backout after all!!
I mostly always wear something on my head even in the house. I am not so comfortable going natural all the time. I do get tired of something on my head all the time.. do I wear my wig or do I wear a hat? Do I want to look frail or do I want to look normal? These are the questions I come to you for! So I find myself doing both. I dont care if I have a hat on and people give me quick glance so as not to make eye contact. I know that "Oh I am so sorry for you look". Or that that" I know I should speak to you because I have known you for years, but I don't know what to say..so I will just go the other way" thought also. It's OK. I have done the same things. It's just a weird situation.
Glenn and I had a sweet little talk last night. This whole thing has changed our lives. It has changed how I think I feel. I mean..this is so hard to explain. I know I am kinda frail..but do I act like it and not do things that I think I could do? Like pick up some limbs in the yard? Do I go full force at it like I am good or do I act frail and stay inside like a sick person. I never have total good days, I cannot tell you the last time my head and stomach felt totally normal. I have accepted that this is the way it is going to be for a while and I just do the best I can. If I want to take a couple extra naps I do. If I want to go walk around the Antique Mall a while. I will. I just do what ever I feel like at the time.
Yes this does change your realtionship with your spouse. There are so many emotions and feelings about things couples do and their relationship. Last night Glenn and I were talking about our relationship and how I feel like I am not being a good wife. That I feel defective inside and out. This is hard on us people!! But he still kisses my bald head everyday. He can't read my blogs yet. It makes him too sad. But he listens to everything and knows every feeling I have. He sees me first hand and knows what to do.
This is what my sweet Glennie Poo told me....he said "I cannot think about all the things that are going on with you, I am not in denial because I am here for you, listen to you, help you and I know you are going thru a bad time, but we are on a train track..there are several stops along the way. I am the conducter and I keep us going on it. Some are bad and some are good. At the end of this track is a wonderful life ...this bad part will be over....that is our destination. Think of me as your little Engine that Could....I will pull you through all of this." He is my hero.
Thank you Lord for my wonderful husband you placed in my life, and thank you for my wonderful life I have right now. Amen.
Loves and hugs Mel
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