impatient

I know I fell off my job....posting and being humorous and being happy and being inspirational.   I'm just not feeling it. I should be elated...I got two more treatments left!!!!  I just can't get excited.

The last few treatments are have been the worst of all.   I am thankful.  I am so thankful overall has been great compared to what all the side effects could of been like.  I only have had a few minor things.

Now I sleep for two days after my treatments.  Saturday and Sunday were blurrs.   I did get to go to church Sunday morning.   That certainly was a good thing and it felt so good to be back.  I was worn out.  I slept.

Today I had a hard time getting up.  I slept in a little while.   I got up and felt pretty good.  I actually felt like doing things.  I kinda tidied up out side on the patio, watered some flowers.  It felt so good.  Kinda like being alive again.

I debated weather to do laundry and dishes.  I decided to do a load of clothes.   There are dishes to unload in the dishwasher and sink full of dirty dishes...for two days...waiting.....I think they are just going to wait.  Can you tell I am a little aggravated? 

Don't get me wrong...I have had the best...the best...husband helping me, but for some reason..I feel like he thinks I am really not sick and I can continue doing all the house chores.  We ran out of sugar...twice he commented about that.  Well he knows the way to the grocery store.  I am just tired of it all.  Six months is a long time and I am getting very impatient, about everything.

Right now my legs are numb, my arms feel they weigh 100 pounds.  I started having a migraine earlier.  I took some medicine just closed my eyes for a few minutes.  It seemed to to help.   I had planned on going to see my parents today.  I am still gonna try to go.

Just two more......just two more.  I just want to feel good again.  I just want to do things.  I don't want to be "snappy" to my husband.  I want to enjoy being with friends and family and feeling good and not having to pretend a little.

I look out my windows, I see such beauty and I am so blessed as I look at my surroundings.  All this cancer has taken away alot of joy and happiness.  It has taken away part of my life.  I know it will all come back.  I just hold on to that.    I am just not happy today.

Hopefully next post I can be joyous!!!!!

Love to all...Mel