moving on

I really am trying to keep this up better.  I started back to work about 3 weeks ago and you would think that I had never worked outside the home before.  I cannot seem to find time or the energy to get on !!  It seems that everything is happening so fast!!

I was lying on the radiation table today....well let me just tell you about all this.  I first had to go to my initial  appointment to prepare for radiation.   This involved a CT scan of my bad boob and chest area to make sure the bad lump was all gone... and it was!!!.  Next I had to lay my upper body on this square bean bag looking thing.  I had to put my arms up over my head and be still.  My body made a mold into the beanbag thingy and they sucked all the air out of it and it stayed like that.  So everytime I go for a treatment I am laying the exact same way.  They took a lot of measurements and angles and things and put it all into this machine.  Each time I go I get exactly the perfect amount in the corect places. 

I have the same time appointment everyday.  I just breeze in..go back, put my prety little gown on, lay on my mold... lay still for all about 5 minutes..and I am done!!!

Anyways... getting back to what I wanted to say...as I was laying there today...I had a few minutes..5..to just relax and take a deep breath.  I suddenly thought of everything that has happened.  Six months of chemo..now I am almost half way through with radiation.  What a whirlwind.  What just happend?  I just had a moment.  I had a couple of tears that rolled down my eyes into my ears.  I couldn't wipe them away because they would have to start over if I moved.  I just got suddenly very emotional.  A good emotion.  I was feeling so blessed and fortunate.  I have been having such good days being back at work.  I really love my job.  I just started counting my blessings very quickly and it was a wonderful feeling.

I am finally able to feel like I can move on with my life.  My life had stopped on Dec. 5.  the life I knew and was used to.  I finally feel hope, excitement, energy..(o far with radiation).  I have a daughter getting married in less than 2 months!!!  I got a lot to be excited about!!!  I feel I have a new life.  I am still trying to figure out what my purpose is for having gone thru all this.  I feel like I need to be doing more in some form of  giving back.  I don't know.  For right now I guess I need to  finish totally getting well and getting back to "normal".

Oh I almost forgot to tell you.... I have my own eyebrows now.. actually I need to have them waxed they are getting crazy!!!  I also have thick long eyelashes!!!  It seems they just grew out over night!!  Now the grand fianle......drum roll please............I use my hair dryer for the first time in 6 months!!!!!  I know!!!!..... it didn't really do anthing different..but I did use it!!!!

God bless you all.  I do...  Love  Mel