I wish I had lots of nice pictures of things to post here. I have seen others' blogs and they are so nice and colorful. I guess that's actually what they do for a living and have lots of time and the know how. I have none of that. Sorry. You will just have to be bored with mine.
It seems since I started back to work I don't have a second extra. I think that is because by the time I get home I am literally wiped out and can barely do anything. Then I can't sleep at night , then I can't wake up in the mornings!!!
They said that radiation would make you fatigued. They were not kidding. I felt ok the first few weeks then it caught up with me. BAM!! Since I had no energy reserve to start with due to chemo, I have no energy on hand. So I feel pretty good once I wake up... but ...when I do get out of bed I feel like I am about 100 years old. My feet hit the floor and Can't walk. My ankles and calves just do not want to bend. My feet are numb and tingly. I go to get my coffee cup and I can't hold it by the handle because it makes my fingers hurt. I do some stretching and try to get my body going again. Welcome to my mornings. About 3 pm everyday it happens. That fuzzy headed fatigue, just don't feel good thing strikes. I have to barrel though it because I have to be at work and I want to try. I feel like I can't enjoy my work right now. I feel bad most of the day. I love to talk and get to know my patients, but right now I could care less...just get them out so I can go home!!! This is not me at all.
I have 8 more radiation treatments. My bad boob is not causing me any problems. One of the side effects from radiation they said would be redness, tenderness like a bad sunburn. I have some redness but it doesn't bother me at all. I can tell they are zapping me for longer zaps now. I'l see what the next 8 bring.
It has been a strange journey. I now sort of feel that everyone thinks I am well and over it all. I know this is hard to understand. I'm not wanting sympathy. I am so glad I am almost finished. I have had amazing support thru this. I think it is like I am better, I am working my hair is coming back so I must be OK!! The real truth is ..I am ok, but I am not well, I am still surviving cancer, I still feel crappy everyday, I am still waiting on my hair to grow so I don't look like a boy or I don't have a mullet hair cut. I am still waiting to have energy and feel good so I can do things for my daughters wedding coming up. I am still waiting to feel like cooking a good meal most days. I am still waiting to get my whole life back. I miss doing all the things I enjoy.. I am still waiting to be ble to sleep thru the night without having take alot of sleep aids, and waking up with my mind a jumble mess and how am I going to feel today.
8 more..I can do this..then recover....I can do this...Please continue to keep me in your prayers... I am still fighting and struggling. I pray that God will continue to see me through. I know he will. Glenn is still my little engine.. tugging me along. He reminds me when I am low.
Thank you friends. Thank you for following me thru and encouraging me by ready my posts. You are my inspiration.
Loves and Hugs Mel
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