another day

OK...I can't get a fix on how I feel to day so I thought I would just  blog about it.  It has been a pretty good week.  They got the room almost finished painted and are supposed to be coming out tomorrow to finish painting completely.  I could not sleep good at all last night.   I woke up around 4 and rolled and tumbled.. One minute I was hot the next I was cold.  Ya see my hormones are just crazy..Chemo threw me straight into menopause.  Not the normal way..like gradually over a couple of years or so. Oh no..I am talking about in about one month!!!!  Poor Glenn

When I get my treatments they hype me upon steroids so I feel like the little boy in the movie Taladaga Nights...you know when he says "I'm all jacked up on Mt. Dew"  well that's me the first 24 hrs afterwards.  I finally got up around 5 this morning.   I did a few errands in town.  Went by and picked up my grandpuppy Lula for night.   We sat outside for a little while and I thought I was getting a little sleepy so we came in and tried to take a nap.  Not gonna happen.  Oh well maybe I will crash tonight and get a good nights sleep.

I can't decide if I feel stress, depressed...I just feel a mess!!!  It's just hard to explain.

I went by myself to my treatment yesterday for the first time.  I really hated anyone to have to miss work again.   I promised Glenn that I didn't mind.   I have a couple fellow chemonites( I just made that word up) that I always talk with. The time goes by pretty fast.  The benedryle didn't knock me out as bad.  Thank goodness.   But it did after I got home.  I let the dogs out and I layed down for just a minute until I got them back in.  You can't leave the little old 18 yr old Midget out by herself long.  Well the next thing I know 2 hrs had gone by and I hadn't moved a muscle!!!  The dogs were still  fine.

So I  just finished treatment number  9!!!  That means I have 7 more to go.  I know this should be the downhill easy part, and a way it is.  But it is also a little scary..I know that with each treatment I feel just a little worse.  I can tell my arms and hands feel weaker and they feel more numb and tingly at night when I wake up.  Some mornings my legs are more tired.  So I have a feeling this will just worsen.   I can handle it though...I am over the hump and can handle anything thrown my way.

So back to how I feel...I don't know....I am feeling some anger, along with everything else..  I think all this is normal.  I know that in a few months my life will be normal once again.  I don't know..maybe it will be a different normal..I don't know what normal is.  I know that I will not be the same person.   I have learned many things during this time.  I am hoping I will be a better person.
I apologize for the grammar and spelling on my blogs...sometimes my fingers just will not do what my brain is telling them.  Remember it is chemo brain..no one else has that excuse!

I hope everyone has a great weekend.  I sincerely appreciate all of you.  I look back and can see how many views  the blogs get and I am truly amazed sometimes.  Thank you for sharing my journey.  It make it a little easier knowing I am certainly not a lone.

I am going to go get an attitude adjustment..It may be called food.  Everyone have a safe and blessed weekend.

Love and Hugs....Mel

Shout out to my Derek----I sure do miss you!!!