Little Engine that Could

Good morning followers and friends,  I have much to share with you today.

So "chuck"  has began to prove how ugly it is last week After my last treatment things got ugly.  After a few days of ugliness I did began to feel better.  I am assuming that is supposed to happen.  After all, my body is being intoxicated with killer medicine to fight chuck.    Excitement at my house!! We were blessed to get our house refinanced several months ago before chuck struck...so now we are finally able to build a sunroom we have been wanting for a while.  The guys showed up early this morning with shovels, sand, picks, hammers, bobcat  etc.  Right now they are tearing off the old decking.  I will be supplying them cold drinks and snacks.. They are a super  hardworking group of guys.  I will keep you posted with the progress and will show you pictures.  I know your excited!!!

I have had a few reality check moments this weekend.   You know I have no hair on my head now except just a little bit of nubbiness scattered.  I wish it would come on out.  I haven't shaved my legs in several weeks because they were so silky soft and I thought all my leg hair had fallen out.   Well I just happend to be looking at them the other day and there is hair there!!!!!  The silkiness I was feeling was long soft hairy legs!!!!   yikes!!!!!!   I do have to get my razor backout after all!!

I mostly always wear something on my head even in the house.  I am not so comfortable going natural all the time.  I do get tired of something on my head all the time.. do I wear my wig or do I wear a hat?  Do I want to look frail or do I want to look normal?  These are the questions I  come to you for!  So I find myself doing both.   I dont care if I have a hat on and people give me quick glance so as not to make eye contact.  I know that "Oh I am so sorry for you look".  Or that that" I know I should speak to you because I have known you for years, but I don't know what to say..so I will just go the other way" thought also.  It's OK.  I have done the same things.  It's just a weird situation.



Glenn and I had a sweet little talk last night.  This whole thing has changed our lives. It has changed how I think I feel.  I mean..this is so hard to explain.  I know I am kinda frail..but do I act like it and not do things that I think I could do?  Like pick up some limbs in the yard?  Do I go full force at it like I am good or do I act frail and stay inside like  a sick person.   I never have total good days,  I cannot tell you the last time my head and stomach felt totally normal.   I have accepted that this is the way it is going to be for  a while and I just do the best I can.  If I want to take a couple extra naps I do.   If I want to go walk around the Antique Mall a while.  I will.   I just do what ever I feel like at the time.

Yes this does change your realtionship with your spouse.  There are so many emotions and feelings about things couples do and their relationship.  Last night Glenn and I were talking about our relationship and how I feel like I am not being a good wife.  That I feel defective inside and out.  This is hard on us people!!  But he still kisses my bald head everyday.  He can't read my blogs yet.  It makes him too sad.  But he listens to everything and knows every feeling I have.  He sees me first hand and knows what to do.   

This is what my sweet Glennie Poo told me....he said "I cannot think about all the things that are going on with you,  I am not in denial because I am here for you, listen to you, help you and I know you are going thru a bad time, but we are on a train track..there are several stops along the way.   I am the conducter and I keep us going on it. Some are bad and some are good.  At the end of this track is a wonderful life ...this bad part will be over....that is our destination.  Think of me as your little Engine that Could....I will pull you through all of this."    He is my hero.



Thank you Lord for my wonderful husband you placed in my life, and thank you for my wonderful life I have right now.  Amen.

Loves and hugs Mel