A matter of inconvenience

I usually go to my little office I have made for myself.  Actually it is a shrine to me... It is a little desk in the spare room..I have made my own little corner....candles, favorite pictures, organized insurance, bill stuff.  Made it  pretty and girlie.   I usually go there each morning and think about the day,  do my blogging  or just sit and think about things in general and look at all the stuff around me that makes me happy.   Today I am not in there.  It is too cold.  We use our fireplace with insert when it is really cold..like this weekend, and we shut off our extra rooms in the back we don't use.  My room is one of them.

Speaking of cold...we use gas to heat.  Yesterday I see this big pink truck come backing up my driveway. I looked and it's our gas company coming to fill our tank.  The truck was  painted totally pink..on the side it said " Race for the Cure..Susan Komen".   I was delighted..I wanted to run out in my pj's and say "  I have breast cancer.....too.....thank you"!  But I didn't...hairless and braless is not very nice.  I didn't want to scare the poor guy to death!

Yesterday I went to class at the Cancer Center call Look Good ....Feel better.  It is a class sponsored by the National Cancer Society.  Volunteers come to help those of us who are going thru this change...to feel better about ourselves.  We got a bag full of name brand skin care and cosmetics.  I love cosmetics.  These ladies teach you how to put on makeup when you need eyelashes, eye brows....anything to help us look normal again.  Fortunately I still have mine....all except the hair.  She showed us to trick to make the cutest little head covering out of an old T-shirt.  No sewing required... jut cut and wrap!!

I met another lady in class..we have the same schedule...chemo the same days, the day after shot the ...same hair style.  It is amazing the wonderful people you meet along this journey.  It keeps reminding me...I am not alone on this bad scary road.

Sunday was not a good day for me.  I couldn't get dressed..I couldn't stay a wake, and I cried alot.   I really don't know why.. Just because.   I am entitled to days like that.  Some days I really forget my life has changed ...then reality hits and I think about how my life is right now and it SUCKS!!!!   Yes I am very blessed that my poison treatments are not giving me bad side effects and I feel good most of the time.  It is just very inconvenient!!!!!!

I loved my job,  I can't do right now.  I have to plan everything on how I feel, plan around treatments.."will I feel good..will I be sick"  I don't know so I have to wait and see.   Oh and how bout this one....I know I am sick..so am I supposed to feel sick?  If I do too much will I feel bad?   Do I really still need to rest more?  When can I have a fresh fruit and a salad when I go out to eat.  When will everyone stop telling me..."don't touch that, did you use your hand sanitizer?  "Do not hug people"  Do you know how hard that is for me not to do?

So the decisions I seem to be making these days are...do I sleep in today, what do I put on my head this morning...scarf..nah..makes me look like a cancer patient,  Turpin...I hate that word....a cute little soft hat...yes..or my wig...not in the house.  I need to go out to buy a special Valentines gift.  I promise I will use hand sanitizer and not hug anyone.  I will pull my shoes off at the door and wash my hands again when I come in.   If I pet the dogs that have been outside I will wash my hands again.

Today will be a good day.  I have a special long time friend coming over for a visit today.  It will be nice to see her...I will make sure the hand sanitizer is available ands she pulls her shoes off too!!

I really am thankful  things are going so good.  I am especially thankful for my family that makes sure I am doing everything I should to keep me healthy.  I am blessed that I have a husband that doesn't mind kissing my bald head every day!!!  I am truley blessed by all this. 

Loves and Hugs..Mel